No one hates the Cubs more than I do, but christ, just let them have their fun for another day before going on seemingly pointless rants about how they may or may not end up like Boston fans. As Barry said, they get until their parade and then they can go fuck themselves (paraphrasing).

You're going to catch some shit for that. I mean, a Cardinals fan on Deadspin?

If they're lifting weights, Marcus, I can assure you they are more than familiar with gravity.

Argonaut all men.

Three months before our wedding my then-fiancee now wife and I were celebrating her birthday at a restaurant.

i would be genuinely curious to know if you could find this many stories from women. It's been my observed experience that women are far, far, far less likely to put pride/reputation on the line just to tell someone they like them.

Idiotically, I thought this really hot brunette would be impressed by a dick pic. Even worse, for unfathomable reasons, I sent her a a pic looking tiny and flaccid. She not only never replied but she went on to show it to, like, everyone. I was a laughing stock.

ESPN: ROGER GOODELL CONSIDERS SUSPENDING WILFORK FOR SUPER BOWL FOR SCARING WOMAN, SAYS HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A DASH CAM IS, WE BELIEVE HIM

This might be first real life situation that's impossible to porn parody.

I talked to some Broncos players who said Manning was throwing more picks in practice in the past six weeks than at any other time.

Because no one but you wants to watch your unathletic kid row a fucking boat.

Tar Heel fan here and card-carrying member of the Hess Haters Club. The infamous ejection of Gugliotta also included the ridiculous tossing all-time Wolfpacker Chris Corchiani, who was great on the court and even better off it. Solid Raleigh citizen, great father (as a professional in the Turkish pro league, Chris…

[dabs tear with Hines Ward jersey]

Please oh please let RG3 end up with St. Louis and emerge as their franchise quarterback. This is what Dan Snyder deserves more than anything else.

translation:

"our coverage is for me to show and for Delly to go under me and we just didn't get the call right at the time."

These sound strangely like things my girlfreind yells at me during sex, right down to the line about Baltimore.

I have no problem with Jay Bilas, and seriously Deadspin shouldn't be telling anybody to "give it a rest." You think Bilas is being preachy? Pot meet kettle.