This article would be a lot scarier if I wasn’t so fond of avocado toast.

Why say “Five Gulf Nations cut ties with Qatar” when you can say “Five Gulf Nations break Qatar strings?” That’s web journalism 101, Wags.

I’ve done Murph a couple times (no vest), and I think my best time ever was around 55 minutes. For comparison, I can run a mile in 5:30, two miles at 13:00 without feeling particularly winded, rock climb regularly at V4s pushing to V5s, and oh yeah, I played in the fucking NFL.

Royals fan here. I remember a game here in Kansas City where he came up against Gil Meche with the bases loaded. He worked it to a 3-ball count, and Meche threw him a ball about a foot outside for what should have been ball four. Instead, Pujols flicked the bat out there and flared it foul, essentially demanding…

That time he sent Brad Lidge to hell.

Maturity and class are seriously lacking in this world lately, and this kind of speech by Green is lovely and courageous. I hope Spicey is taking notes.

What percentage of people masturbate for the last time realizing they are doing so?

“MSN reports that Botha fired his rifle on the charging cows, but a fourth swept in and surprised him from the side.”

Um, if it had nothing to do with the city, then why is the T-Rex short for Torontosauras Rex, idiot.

“The human body is like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted.”

You are livin’ the dream and I am not being the least bit sarcastic. Couch, dog, alcohol, unhealthy food. On the rare occasions my wife isn’t home for dinner, I order a Giordano’s stuffed pizza with Italian beef, garlic, and hot giardiniera (it’s a pizza! it’s a sandwich! it’s both!), drink bourbon and really hoppy…

I recently cleaned up my garage and added a stereo so I can drink and hang out in there. This past Friday night, all my friends cancelled on plans for the night (and wife was sleeping), so I had a garage party by myself, complete with classic rock, miller lites and a fat bowl. Garage solo drinking is the way to go.

God alone beers are the best! Bonus points for when both the wife and kid are gone. Music up, video games on, sixer of some good beer. L-I-V-I-N

That young man standing up for himself and the other kids is amazing. I would never have been able to advocate for myself like this at that age. Good job parents.

Pre-existing conditions.

“I’m a football player.”

He would then proceed to launch Rick across the lobby entrance to heaven with a slow-mo uppercut, crashing into the gates, turn towards his bodyguards and say, “Take one more step, and I’m kicking this mother f***er off the cloud.”

They have a tax plan they wanted to present, but Republican donors like the Koch Bros. have pretty much sunk it before it could even be brought up. These moron have no business running this country. They proved this fact from 2000-2008, and again from 2010-2017+. The GOP has no business in government. They spent 8…