you a bad ass bitch *applause*

Yeah. I'd have been willing to work through it as a a "one time thing" but the kid called him Daddy- mother fucker was keeping a family secret.

Fucking get it gurl.

When she showed up at our apartment with a toddler. Cute little bugger- looked just like my at the time husband.

A friend of mine called his wife while we were in Afghanistan. She was really excited that to tell him that she was eight weeks pregnant. One problem: we had been in Afghanistan for three months. Turns out his wife was kinda bad at math.

Are you telling me that a group of field mice could not plausibly help me design and hand-sew a ballgown from random rags lying around my stepmother's house?

It's true. She will do anything for a dollar.

I'm sorry, is she in a church here? And if so, is she allowed to be?

I'm very, very special.

His face! That smile! Those hip rotation thrusts! It's all so uncomfortable, and yet mesmerizing, to look at.

It really is a gift.

I cannot stop watching that gift. It's mesmerizing.

aw, that gif is one of my favorites :)

Yaaaaasss! What man/woman could resist?

It must be nice to get to that point where you get to throw up your hands and say "I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want"

The name change is just Step One. Step Two is faking his own death. Then Step Three is getting Kris out of the public's eye for a while so he can slowly skin her alive, cure his brand new Kris-skin-suit, and alter it so it's perfect for Step Four. Which is reappearing in the public as Kris and taking over her life.…

Except when you _own_ the company you work for and are its only employee. As a friend and former colleague once said: I'm the CEO _and_ the janitor. In 2006 I voluntarily resigned from a corporate job with a six figure salary and full benefits to work for my own subchapter-S corporation. (I'd do an LLC now.) It took a…

One of the best things you can do at any job is walk in every day knowing they need you more than you need them.

Your company isn't your friend.