Yikes. 

Oregon (current) and Massachusetts (lapsed)

Lol. I answer their call line, as all of us are required to maintain master certification. Thanks tho.

ring ring.
“Hello, may i help you?”
“yes.I am you, calling you, for advice on tomatoes”
“well I am happy to help. May we continue this discussion off the phone since we are... the same person?”
“seems reasonable”
click. 

FUNDAMENTAL DISAGREEMENT.
The whole point of growing tomatoes is to let them ripen on the vine. They definitely do not taste the same ripening off the vine says every tomato bought in a grocery store. This is not really the same theory as pruning your tomatoes, because different nutrients are at work. Growing branches…

is this graphic your subtle way of asking for pickles? 

I suspect “I’d like to see what you come up with” was not the only thing I said.