My BFF is a funeral director, and childless. When someone asks her this question, usually an older relative, she asks in the sweetest voice, when are you planning on dying. 

She wore a spacious coat–spacious enough to conceal a snack pack of samosas or a baby, either of which would be a perfectly credible explanation–to Princess Eugenie’s wedding yesterday and took it off only after entering the church.

Also DON’T LISTEN TO POLLS! Ask President Hillary Clinton, Democratic Party of Florida Nominee Gwen Graham, and Senator Roy Moore how much polls matter. Polls don’t mean shit anymore. There’s only one poll that matters; the one taken after the voting booth closes. That’s the one we need to care about!

Same here in Texas. Fingers crossed for Beto. 

I mean we are gonna do our best but it's important to remember that Tennessee has not had a democratic senator since 1995. This is gonna be really difficult. It's a red state through and through. 

I’m counting on you to take down Blackburn. I’m doing my part here in Florida with Gillum and Nelson. Don’t let us down!!

Who wins a fight between a fifth-rate gossip site and a sixth-rate male mommy blogger?

I’m torn between my environmentally-conscious ways and just, like, having a joint global effort to commission the world’s largest dumpster, throwing all that is trash into it (this, that, and all of the rest. We all know who and what said trash would consist of), and lighting a fire that can be seen from space.

Not having any knowledge of what this article was really about, all I saw was “Tripp,” and I assumed that another Palin kid was beating his wife.

I’m still stuck at “she is barely plus size” which I know is not the point. It’s just. “Congratulate me! I like how my barely plus-size wife’s body looks! You might think she’s morbidly obese, but I don’t!”

it’s essential we don’t let this incredible burn go unnoticed.

Vulva, not vagina. The vagina is the interior, canal part. The vulva is the exterior including mound, labia, vaginal opening, etc. It’s an important distinction.

Scarlet Johansson

Definitely low and kinda pathetic considering how many Asian actors have risen to prominence in recent years. Off the top of my head, Randall Park, Constance Wu, Kal Penn, John Cho (Yum) Dev Patel, Padma Lakshmi, Riz Ahmed (double Yum), Brenda Song, the Asian guy from Kimmy Scmidt, Priyanka Chopra, Ali Wong, Scarlet…

I wish Polanski and Allen would join forces to direct, co-star, and do their own stunt work in a remake of Thelma & Louise.

Something old,
something new,
something borrowed,
something blue,
and a Jade Egg in her Yahoo.

When condescension is your brand.

And you know what? This isn’t only about abortion, because their next step will be to do away with all babykiller pills, OKA, birth control. Need it for a actual health issue, tough luck slut, you should have had better genes.

Especially “fuck you” to those who did it in swing states. Fuck my friends white, cis, gay male friends who are still trying to say she was as bad. (I am losing those friends as my temper flares)

This week the Supreme Court decided that it’s unconstitutional to force fake doctors to tell women the truth, but totally constitutional to force real doctors to lie to them. That’s the court we have right now. And it’s about to become so much worse.