Oh wow, does this mean they're going to sign LeBron now?

I see your confusion; let me help.

His annual report will read all of five words, "The stock is doing good."

My oscillating fan disagrees with him.

If spending thousands of dollars each year on women who don't generate any money means you're complying with Title IX, then consider me and my family compliant.

"Missed it by that much!"

Burlington, VT, actually.

"There are reasons why white gun's rights activists can walk into a Chipotle restaurant with assault rifles and be seen as gauche nuisances while unarmed black men are killed for reaching for their wallets or cell phones, or carrying children's toys."

And here it is reversed:

When asked about his opinion on Hamas, Emmitt Smith replied that it's too garlicky.

last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

I don't really condone fighting in sports, but Andrew McCutchen should be allowed to go beat the bag out of this guy.

He got this kinda backward: If I ever missed work because I got injured lifting a jet ski, I would definitely claim it was a cocaine suspension.

"... the lousy tramp."

"I bet she's an icky Republican!"

GuyWhoTakesThingsWayTooLiterally, did you change your name?

Yeah I fucked that up.

You just don't care about what "side" they're on and care about how they did their job. It's the way most people should try thinking.

If I was the coach of a team, I would tell my players that they could do whatever they want, just don't go to Florida. Something fucked up will find you. That's actually a pretty good rule for everybody in life. Stay the fuck away from Florida.