I admit if it were my child I would not wait for the law.

totally

I thought this was going to be about the super hotness of that baseball guy. I plodded through half of this looooooong Ode to Sportsball. Maybe a better title would be Read This Long Description of Sportsball?

ME TOO. Thank god it's not just me.

that's despicable and morally bankrupt. I hope they are identified and face as many social consequences as possible.

So last week I was about to wipe and I don't know why, but for some reason I looked down at the toilet paper and curled up on it was a spider. I was about to rub a spider on my LADYBUSINESS. No. NO. It was just hanging out inside the roll. WHY? To lay eggs in me and grow mutant spider babies? NO. I can't. Because…

seriously. My neighbor three doors down knows when we're making sausage and peppers, but no one smelled a decomposing adult?

...

Jimmy Stewart and Ginger Rodgers. Strictly DTF.

I married someone with a notsoawesome dad, and we had an argument where I told him not to model his behavior off Homer Simpson, literally the only "adult male" he had been exposed to that went to church.

I hate the Dumb Bumbling Dad one. Hate.

I have to say, this is awesome. I used to get mildly amused when I worked at Borders and irate conservatives would turn allll the democrat-y books backwards and move their princess Ann Coulter to a prime spot. FYI in the years and years I worked there , no liberals ever did that. Just pissy Republican Tea Baggers.

Fresh coffee in the breakroom?

It's easy dude. As long as women are subjugated, WINNING.

I can't hate on Wilmer, he has given me so many minutes of peace and quiet during Handy Manny. YOU DO YOU WILMER.

I was filled with evil glee while at a BBQ two weeks ago, and the twee-est twee hipster twees came and brought these stupid cupcakes, and then another group came and brought the exact same cupcakes+1 for serving in a wicker basket and wearing gingham. Anyhow, I stood proudly next to my demolished pineapple upside down…

MySpace Fanclub President

I loathe fondant, and except for small details on wedding cakes, believe it to be the crutch of a lazy baker. Frosting FOREVER.

Have you seen That Touch of Pink? I love that one.

You and his legion of Facebook aunties. That boy is awesome/a terror.