I wonder what he thinks about aliens.

I was wondering where Smush Parker and Tyronn Lue disappeared to but then I realized Brian Windhorst ate them. That's the only logical explantation to why a chunky white guy has the inside scoop to anything basketball related.

If my name was Fred I'd suck butt at soccer, too.

La La is his wife's name?! I just thought that's what he hears when someone says, "Pass me the ball."

Spike Lee must've promised him a starring role in his new film, Mediocracy.

it's only a matter of time until a newspaper prints an obituary for the Heat.

you know it's casual Friday in Bristol when Bob Ley wears a banana hammock to the office.

I wonder if they'll eat Dwayne Wade first when things get desperate and the team is famished.

"LeBron's team." Is that what we're calling the Cavs now?

Edward Snowden in blackface does not make him Ghanan.

I'm glad someone else noticed that.

comic sans. I use that shit for everything!

this guy. Then we'll need a revised version of the group shower article.

Everyone beat me to the Spoelstra jokes so I'll move on to the next article.

Shitting ON trains! I thought it said shitting DURING the train. I guess those mistakes happen when Sasha Grey reads you Deadspin articles.

I can't wait for the Heat to relocate to Seattle.

At this point, I was expecting them to kiss.

does this mean a reboot to the Friday film series will happen? If so, it better include LeBron and Darius Miles as neighbors.

this guy knows a man's true pain threshold

I don't normally think of baseball when someone almost gets brained. Thank you for broadening my imagination.