I’d have gone with this, instead

I remember many of these people, only thanks to the magic that was NHL 96 on my HP Presario desktop - so much wasted time (and money - that desktop was like $3000 dollars back then!)

John Wilkes Booth: “Yo man, I’mma let you finish, but I had the greatest play interruption of all time!”

I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt until your qualifications for Hillary started off with grammar mistakes. Unless, of course you’re talking about an actual island, in which case, WHY IS THERE A DIVIDE BETWEEN THE ISLE? WHY ARE THEY ON DIFFERENT SIDES??!!

And as for #9, Killer Mike would like a word with…

That’s ok - the world needs terrible people, too.

I saw Merle at Tin Hall in Houston back in the...well, sometime between 2000 and 2009 - he started an hour late after TWO opening bands had already performed their sets, played 4 songs, and went back to his bus. The lead singers of the opening bands got up and played an acoustic set, and after standing by his bus for…

They should also convince DeMarcus (Boogie) Cousins to come play tight end - ...then they could have De’ Murray ‘n’ Cousins, as would be appropos for Tennessee...

/wait for it

According to the magic stick theory, the impact with Lexie’s head should have also resulted in bruising and blunt force trauma to at least two other Detroit players...now we await the inevitable retaliation in the tunnel at their next away game by mysterious lacrosse fan Jackie Ruby.

Did anyone have a difference in hands? My right (dominant) hand came in at 10 and a quarter (and hurt like hell in the stretch - I broke some bones in the pinky metacarpus and the wrist)...my left hand came out around 11.5.

What I’m saying is, Gawker staff have the tiny hands and angry demeanor of a Welshman.

So, the wheel like, JUST the wheel, or the concept of a (near) perfect circle that allows things like gears, rotors, conveyors, etc., to exist? If it’s just the wheel, then definitely fire. If we’re talking about the concept of cylinders and sprockets and such, we’d be without a LOT of technology other than bikes and…

I believe you’re nitpicking good Kinja.

Oh - he’s a Shkreli. It’s ok, folks! Nothing to see here. He’ll be off playing guitar and hitting on the high school girls near the park in no time...

I’m thinking Burneko rented a thesaurus online and was about to run out of time to access it without having to pay another rental fee.

Yeah, the way I read it I thought he meant the Saints (given the Ricky Williams draft and all that)...

Tim Riggins > John Riggins

Chili powder defines chili, otherwise it’d be meat in a bowl. I’m also from Texas and prefer a beanless chili, but I won’t complain if there are kidney beans (or corn, whatever). HOWEVER - I now live in Colorado, and if these fuckers don’t stop calling something made with green CHILES “chili”, I’m going to have to…

Ha, because she’s part octopus. Also, ewwwww...

Can we do a NFL team with the BEST alumni? I’m voting for the Oilers. Bud Adams notwithstanding, you’ve got Earl Campbell, Bum Phillips, the ghost of Steve McNair, Kenny Stabler...it’s got to be up there.

I’m pretty sure he’s got the free time - hell, Drew could probably have him write them himself. I’m sure he’s got a half a bag of Funyun’s and some hot RC Cola lying around he could use as payment...

Congratulations! You can now start your own blog! Also, you would make a TERRIBLE lawyer, because you wouldn’t be able to bill enough hours preparing your unnecessarily wordy legal briefs.