Let’s remember some of the Tecmo Super Bowl roster for the Arizona Cardinals (I should have done this for all of the WYTS entries - such memory! so wow! much doge):

Why has no one suggested trading for Arian Foster?

Professor Taylor: Hi Carson. I’m Alison’s father, Professor Taylor. I’ve heard great things about you.

That’s the exact same jokes the football team used to make.

SEE YOU AT THE POOL.

It’s worse with water polo. We used to LOVE inviting the football players during the off-season...”sorry, coach, our last-string scrub just knocked the front teeth out of your star LB, and drowned your D-1 QB prospect.”

So, would soldiers deployed in California that are originally from, say, Kansas be able to go home and fight for their state? Can they take their weapons? I’m curious about the rules here...

Try growing up in a dry county. My grandfather and I would get up early on Saturday mornings to drive 40 freakin’ miles to cross the bridge into the next county and stop at BACKWOODS LIQUOR WORLD! - they’d load up 8 suitcases of Old Milwaukee at the drive-thru and then give him a tall boy (for free!) in a brown paper…

You got your soccer in our sports discussion! It’s like Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, and also just as terrible!

/begin the candy flame war

No love for the Wyoming/Colorado areas? Lax gun laws, natural resources, and high school students capable of withstanding a fucking RUSSIAN AND CUBAN MILITARY INVASION DURING THE COLD WAR??...being able to retreat into the mountains is a pretty big asset.

WOLVERINES!

So, is this guy now on the “most punchable faces” list? We haven’t talked about Shkreli in awhile, and I’m getting that vibe.

Correction: most strapped to a fence in a batting cage set to 90 mph faces? Then he can keep all the balls.

Teacher: WHO WANTS TO SEE DEEZ DUNKS!

It was literally the first search result in Google and had the information I was looking for. For your benefit, I will reference seedeeznuts.com/healthbenefits next time.

I use almond milk in my smoothies, and on cereal, but stick to regular milk for cooking (never drank the stuff, anyway) - it’s higher in calcium, contains protein, but the calorie reduction (and the differential in good/bad fat) is the real difference maker.

That being said, almonds are futtbucking expensive - and the…

Um...perhaps you meant to say, “nuts are not a significant source...”.

Menstruation joke?

Rob: Where we headed?
Rex: Lady Foot Locker.
Rob: Wife need new shoes?
Rex: Um...yeah.

Putting “No Chance” in quotes would actually indicate there is a chance, yes?

Isn’t it just like the Eagles to let up on an opponent when they are literally stepping on their necks. THIS IS NOT A SCHIANO AVIAN!

Any love for Titans over the Rams? It would make Jeff Fisher into “Super Bowl Winning Coach” Jeff Fisher, which, in and of itself, is MIND BLOWING.

1st Choice: Phi Slamma Jamma over Jimmy V. Cancer sucks, but damn do they trot that shit out every year. NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING!

2nd Choice: Astros over White Sox. FUCK JENKS.

3rd Choice: Reversing any Super Bowl the Jimmy Johnson/Barry Switzer-era Cowboys were in. HOW ‘BOUT SHUTTIN’ THE FUCK UP?! /yeehaw