Dang it, JustinBobby. #thehillsvasectomy

Only three pounds? I chop off a five inches and it feels like I've lost three pounds. #dreadlocks

Bork, bork, bork! #meep

@hatepaperdoll: I've had that theory before too! Brains and flesh is very high protein, and you seldom see an overweight zombie. #carbs

I had great success with the first phase of South Beach, but it's not worth the stabby rage I felt when I saw glorious carbs. I also had a very weird metallic taste in my mouth that made me want to attack at any given moment. And when you want something sweet and have to settle for a sugar free Popsicle in the middle…

Good thing Joanie loves you, Chachi, because I believe the Jezzies loathe you. And you of all people, should not be talking about hard working Americans. #kirstiealleytwitter

Uhm, Kim has already been married once before. Is she just upset that her wedding wasn't featured on a cable reality show?

His Homeowners Association is very pleased with this development; a lot of shrubs have been ruined in his neighborhood by him falling over every two yards. #larryjohnson

Dog Bonez: Ur doin' it rong #tgif

I don't think I can ever wear a cowl-neck sweater again. #whimsicalpenis

The phrase "women shouldn't" is almost worse! I also love how Bert and Ernie are smiling and waving at the misogynistic suggestions. #womenongoogle

Right. Dane Cook, master comedy thespian. Good Luck Chuck, Dan in Real Life and My Best Friend's Girl might be free from talking animals, but they're no more tolerable than Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Oh ,God. I think I just saw the history of my Santa-sweater loving, reindeer horn-wearing elderly aunt. #fredericksofhollywood

@Eleanor Ramilly: If you want to wear lingerie, wear it. Make sure you buy what you like, otherwise you'll never wear it. If you're worried about your significant other taking it as a sign that you're bored, just assure him its something for you that you want to wear. #fredericksofhollywood

@laureltreedaphne: Don't be embarrassed if you like it. And it's for you, not him. You can always gage his reaction by showing him a few items online, or sign up for the catalog and see what he says. #fredericksofhollywood

@cookies-are-a-sometimes-food: No. She's frizing. #tyrabanks

@BeckySharper: It's the only good work a catalog retoucher will do. #fredericksofhollywood

@JayBird: It's not a babydoll, but it is covered in marabou and bows. The words. They fail me. Even when I get paid.

@The Count of Monte Fisto: Nope. There are also cupless bras (I call it boob piping). Mind. Blown. #fredericksofhollywood

I work for a rival (and trashier) lingerie company. I shudder every time I have to pair the words "sexy" and "babydoll" in a sentence. #fredericksofhollywood