This looks like it's straight out of the Dunder Mifflin Sensitivity Training / Orientation binder. #genderbiasbingo

Coppertone ad: you're doin' it wrong! #paultrefry

@GirlFailer: I vote for a top hat and a monocle on both his face and penis. Double the class, double the fun. #levijohnstonearlyshow

@GirlFailer: On his face, or on his penis? #levijohnstonearlyshow

It's okay, Michelle. I also make that face when I smell hotdogs, beer and nachos at the baseball stadium. #michelleobamaworldseries

@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: I think you have to have a deviated brainstem to believe that excuse. #bradpittmotorcycleaccident

@mfnher: maybe she'll pull some of the gum off the backstage wall, shove it in her mouth and save herself some embarrassment. #wendywilliamsjudgejudy

The cover for In Touch is making my head explode. Too many words and sporadic punctuation in the headline. ACK. #bradpittmotorcycleaccident

I stopped my personal blog because I felt really weird just putting my life out there.

@Penny: I had to move away from JitB to stop this pattern myself. Maybe not because of the pattern, but it was an added bonus.

I really hope none of my co-workers want to talk to me for the rest of the day. They'll probably notice my mouth boner. #foodporn

@andBegorrah: Hot damn. Too bad COTDs have already been announced today. #mail

I want it to be Thanksgiving NOW. And I want to be invited to dinner by a wealthy family that orders things from Mackenzie. #foodporn

@KikiCanuck: Meat Cat approves. #sarahpalin

@Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC: I think your vagina would be a great friend for Megan Fox's vagina. #femalesexualdysfunction

There might not be a brand new, big-pharma drug for LVD, but I can see it now.

I have watched my mother try every cream, moisturizer, laser treatment, diamond treatment, facial exercise DVD, infomercial gadget and inexpensive plastic surgery over the years. As an adult, I'm so against all of this stuff I could scream. I wash my face and that's it. #motherdaughteraging

Oh yeah, because Saturday Night Live never parodies politicians during election years. Norm MacDonald was the bitter, out-of-touch Bob Dole because he envisioned all of his future sitcoms failing, Dana Carvey was acting out the Church Lady's antithesis through his Ross Perot and G.H.W. Bush. #sarahpalin

The expression on Snow White's face reminds me of the scene in The Little Mermaid, in which the other princess mermaids sing about their charms and go to introduce Ariel, who is not there, and the music screeches and everything goes to pot.

I must admit, the by-products of fucking Matt Damon are pretty adorable. #mattdamon