My shampoo is fortified with plenty of vitamins, so that helps me get the nutrients not present in air foods. Because what good is shiny hair if you aren't thin? #allure

@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: Who is the patron saint of offensive lines? #kansascitychiefs

I hope she brought a ruler and used it to whack the knuckles of Matt Cassel and Dwayne Bowe. That game was terrible. #kansascitychiefs

@FrannyR: The best description I've heard is that its "like eating creamy sweet custard in a public lavatory." It tastes delicious, but smells very strongly of poo. #lilyallen

I'm in the middle of a trying to quit campaign, but have succeeded only in cutting back. Seeing this gives me a nic fit and also an "eeeewww". I guess smoking is like eating a durian fruit. #lilyallen

I'm a sucker for any kind of puzzle or pattern game. It's nice to see that I'm not the only addict.

@futuremouse: Yes, MG has earned the title of COTC(entury). #commenterquips

@JessickerFletcher: Thanks. And you're correct; my spirit is not broken, it's quite firm. #commenterquips

@o-line: And here is the amazing disappearing picture... #worstemails

@Tchotchke: Yep. It's basically Christopher's make-up tips with paint and sponges instead of foundations and puffy applicators. #worstemails

@Ms Meghan: I think she should get the first official cake icon. A star-covered cake, of course. #commenters

I can see the work-around now: "Free sex with purchase of this couch I found on the side of the street. Many rips and stains but otherwise fine. Distinct smell of ashtray and feet. Free sex does not have to be on said couch. You must come and pick it up. $350. Firm." #craigslist

I wonder what made them finally pull the app? They completely failed at making a delayed apology and repeatedly stood by the application despite the criticism.

Larry King asked the same question about the covered wagon in his youth. #michaellohanfaketwitter

Yes, but what about texting kids in all caps? Less guilt, less strain on the vocal chords. LITTLE O-LINE! I ASKED YOU TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE YESTERDAY!

@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: "Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the...toilet...store?" #joshbrolin

"Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!" #joshbrolin

@Katxyz: Let's hope the Day Clock is the next Slanket/Snuggie. #cookiediet

@curiousgeorgiana: Be sure to share your notes with Perez Hilton. He might want to know if he gets punched in the face again. #michaellohantwitter

Yeah, I thought I could make my own cookie-like diet. The special cookies are expensive, so I tried a work around. Something that would keep me full and not vitamin deprived. Yeah. Turns out eating nothing but Fiber One bars is a terrible idea. #cookiediet