The Quicker Fucker Upper

This is fantastic Kinja!

Please tell me this level of self seriousness is some online persona.

Thank goodness there are still men like you willing to lecture professional athletes about the right way to be professional athletes. Being the assistant to the regional manager isn’t the same as working with psychotically competitive football players.

I call horseshot on this

Who do you think you are? Fucking George RR Martin? I’m not reading all that.

Protests have no effect and change nothing. Holy shit...lol. You actually typed that. Read a book. Maybe about american history.

Abernathy must really hate the MLB Stand Up to Cancer campaign.

To be fair to Abernathy, he needs sports to distract him from the controversy that is the killing off of the wife on his favorite TV show, Kevin Can Wait.

“Yes, this system is stupid an inaccurate, but if we use a stupid, inaccurate system for EVERYONE, then it will be useful!”

“Lang isn’t launching the tired old “these nerds never played the damn game!” complaint here, he’s making a valid critique about PFF’s method of qualitative analysis.”

Goddamn if we could somehow capture the angst that mid-westerners feel about the coasts as energy, we could end our dependence on oil overnight.  

That’s fine. All I care about is that after an entire offseason of hearing how brilliant the Patriots are and how they would end up going 19-0 ...they get absolutely shit on by the Chiefs on the opening night of the season ...I’m happy and I’ll take it.

That’s karma for that gaudy AF ceremony before kickoff where they sucked their own dicks dry like they were Steve Bannon

How long of a suspension is appropriate for a football player baselessly being accused of defamation?

Pretty innovative stuff there, rushing the passer. I wonder if the rest of the league will catch on this season.

Does it surprise anyone that Sean Brody is a Pats fan? I would have never seen that coming...

Dear lord- Pats fans are the most insufferable pieces of shit on earth, this comment solidifies it. Kyle Shanahan lost this game, nothing else.

Patriots fans gloating is the sports version of Republicans insisting that millionaires and billionaires need tax cuts.