fun fact: we install tiny drones in your brain that monitor everything you’re doing so we can write posts in direct response to the actual life hacks you’re curious about.

I damn near spit my drink well done sir

WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE NOT CALLED QUICKLES???

It’s really too bad that they only have, like, 20 episodes on Netflix. I want the entire series!! There are so many more great ones.

My dream is that Alton Brown will do a short series called “That’s Another Episode” where he discusses all the ingredients/recipes that he excluded on Good Eats by saying “But that’s another episode.”

I think Dave Barry said it best:

fuck this jackass. Also you KNOW he thinks hes sounding so goddamn smart in this statement. Its such typical "I'm in college at the moment and obviously know everything" bs. I MEAN GUYS HE USED THE TERM "SEXUAL MORES." HES SO SMART.

Lucas also owes quite a debt to a damn good editor.

I keep trying to understand why people are uncomfortable with cloning. How is it any different then identical twins?

No No No. NO.

I was going to say Hemingway. She would have sounded exactly like him if she'd talked more about drinks and ended up fucking Miguela.

Ah...if only we had the technology for some kind of NON-refrigerated box. Alas, it's the dream of a fevered madman for a box that doesn't make things cold.

Toddlers and cat in fridge, butter on countertop.

Are these the same women who don't want men to have hairy legs and arms and chests? Fuck those women.

this is soooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

Here we are trying to free female boobs/nipples for equal treatment, and they turn it around and want men to cover up now. Fucking stupid. Next thing you know they're going to color those nipple pasties in a mosaic style to match their fucked up censored porn.

I'm all for bringing back the greys, with one condition:

Look, there are 30 guys in a room. 10 white american, 10 African American and 10 Indian. If 3 of the white guys are creeps, 4 of the black guys are creeps and 9 of the Indian guys are creeps, then proportionally, Indians guys seem creepier. This is all about perception. No one here is stupid enough to think that India…

WAIT ARE YOU SAYING THIS GUY IS SINGLE?

Yeah, I believe my guy friends when then tell me that getting kicked in the nuts hurts something fierce.

Yeah. I came away from a lot of my online dating experiences with a bad taste in my mouth, too. Also, a horrible feeling that there are some terrifying, awful men in the world that will in one breathe call you the most beautiful creature in the world, and then—when you fail to meet whatever demand/expectation they've…