fun fact: we install tiny drones in your brain that monitor everything you’re doing so we can write posts in direct response to the actual life hacks you’re curious about.

I damn near spit my drink well done sir

WHY THE FUCK ARE THESE NOT CALLED QUICKLES???

It’s really too bad that they only have, like, 20 episodes on Netflix. I want the entire series!! There are so many more great ones.

My dream is that Alton Brown will do a short series called “That’s Another Episode” where he discusses all the ingredients/recipes that he excluded on Good Eats by saying “But that’s another episode.”

I think Dave Barry said it best:

fuck this jackass. Also you KNOW he thinks hes sounding so goddamn smart in this statement. Its such typical "I'm in college at the moment and obviously know everything" bs. I MEAN GUYS HE USED THE TERM "SEXUAL MORES." HES SO SMART.

No No No. NO.

I was going to say Hemingway. She would have sounded exactly like him if she'd talked more about drinks and ended up fucking Miguela.

Are these the same women who don't want men to have hairy legs and arms and chests? Fuck those women.

this is soooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

Here we are trying to free female boobs/nipples for equal treatment, and they turn it around and want men to cover up now. Fucking stupid. Next thing you know they're going to color those nipple pasties in a mosaic style to match their fucked up censored porn.

I'm all for bringing back the greys, with one condition:

A MAID. Best thing I ever did. I can sit on my butt while someone else cleans my house. I resisted because it costs money, but they do a FAR more detailed job than I would ever do. Now, I have my weekends back. Once a month does it for me.

Stop doing that, especially the part where you eat a chunk of the plate.

Yup. Daughter of a veteran who grew up in East Jesus Bootstraps Appalachia. I can trade "My Dad Is So Grizzled..." stories with the best of them. Esquire writer is full of shit.

I'm looking forward to the follow-up article: How to explain straws filled with mystery chemicals to TSA agents.

Look, there are 30 guys in a room. 10 white american, 10 African American and 10 Indian. If 3 of the white guys are creeps, 4 of the black guys are creeps and 9 of the Indian guys are creeps, then proportionally, Indians guys seem creepier. This is all about perception. No one here is stupid enough to think that India…

WAIT ARE YOU SAYING THIS GUY IS SINGLE?

Yeah, I believe my guy friends when then tell me that getting kicked in the nuts hurts something fierce.

Yeah. I came away from a lot of my online dating experiences with a bad taste in my mouth, too. Also, a horrible feeling that there are some terrifying, awful men in the world that will in one breathe call you the most beautiful creature in the world, and then—when you fail to meet whatever demand/expectation they've…