Nah, bottom bunk is the best bunk. It’s the easiest to get in and out of, which is crucial when you’re either sleep deprived or drunk, or both.

Room for activities? Shoutout to roommate’s dad; that shit is AWESOME.

I changed rooms once while living in the dorm. I was placed with some girl who absolutely HAD to sleep with all the lights on and TV on with volume wide open, and she would get up at 4am to do her “devotional” and make as much noise as possible. After days without sleep, I finally got the TV to myself, and turned on…

And she needs to consistently and repeatedly spell Ashly’s name “Ashley” just for funsies.

Hey! Ashly-no-E is chill! Chill until she isn’t. And good luck figuring out when the switchover happens, and Miss Hyd shows up to make your lives hell.

No fucking way. Ashly-no-E is someone who is only amusing when you aren’t the poor sucker stuck living with them. 

Call me crazy, but a live-tweeted semester of this drama has a book deal written all over it.

Went to boarding school for 4 years, then college. I can’t be on time to save my life but damn if I wasn’t there crazy early on move in day every year specifically for this reason. I want easy window access and the bottom bunk and I will make that shit happen.

Put cameras around the room, nail the door shut, and sell it on Pay-Per-View.

No way. Bitch doesn’t know what the difference between a bunk bed and a loft bed. I’ll drink all of her clearly-marked Naked juice on the basis of that alone.

God I hope this happens I need a live tweeting of their entire first semester

the Dorms are starting to resemble prisons.

Yeah, seriously. How are 3 girls supposed to split 2 closets without cat fights worthy of ANTM?

Never underestimate the selfish motivation of those interested in procreation. Adopt, maybe? Nope, it absolutely HAS to be their genes because fuck everyone else.

Sounds delicious. I’m a fan of Makers Mark 46 Manhattans, but bourbon in a glass with giant ice cube works just as well.

In his ‘honour’, my current drink of choice is a version of a Manhattan.

It’s becoming so embarrassing, I’m horrified to travel internationally for a while. That’s truly sad.

You’re really not doing much to quell the “Angry, Hateful, Militant Vegan” stereotype. Are you sure you’re getting enough B12? And I say this as a full vegetarian and 90% vegan. When you speak like that, it makes people want to run full speed in the opposite direction, not listen to anything you have to say. You’re…

Both the Oxford dictionary (“1.2The white juice of certain plants”) and MW dictionary (“a white liquid produced by a plant”) disagree.

I also think almond milk can fuck right off. It tastes fine, but it provides a small fraction of the nutritional benefits of either dairy or soy milk, and in my opinion it’s a very wasteful way to use a very water-intensive crop. I was so pumped for it too since I’m lactose-intolerant but soy and I are still bff.