When you think about it, what else is the guy supposed to do? He’s got this crazy woman following him around and begging him for a reality TV show. He chose the most humane way to put some amicable distance between himself and nutjob.

In advance of the landmark, the Times of London reported the assessment of constitutional historian David Starkey, who compared her unfavorably to Queen Victoria, the previous record-holder. He said Elizabeth sees her job as “ordinary and humdrum” rather than as “something grand, like the embodiment of history,”…

Ok, I’m a bad and wrong person.

“For the man who neglects the love-play is guilty not only of coarseness,” he writes, “but of positive brutality; and his omission can not only offend and disgust a woman, but also injure her on the purely physical plane.” He adds, “This sin of omission is unpardonably stupid.” (He calls it stupid several times more…

Agreed, but CORAL on the top part?! Um, no.

Seriously, this is the electronic version of grade-school note-passing. And if you’re going to keep with grade-school methods of revealing feelings, then be sure to maintain proper form, so you’ll get a response. “Ryan, do you like me? Y/N”

Serious? I am doing this, and adding "Professional Boogeyman" to my business card. I cannot wait to scare kids with spooky sounds n shit.

Cue the EXCUSE ME I DO WAIST TRAINING FOR MY ROLEPLAY COSTUMES SO THEY ARE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE WHICH IS VERY EDUCATIONAL AND YOU’RE JUST A HATER WHO HATES WOMEN people in 3...2...1...

Hanging out in Arkansas sounds worse than going to rehab, honestly.

I thought Seinfeld

No one is forcing these people to commit to a monogamous relationship. They're grown ass adults who actually do have a choice in what actions they take. Plenty of people are very happy in monogamous relationships, and plenty of people who aren't decide not to be in one. No one is forcing anyone to cheat.

you can not possibly get another stamos... he’s just... special.

I stop being friends with them. And now, in my 27th year, I have thinned out my friend ranks because it’s not my job to educate or enlighten or try to change people’s minds. There’s no way in hell I can act civilly with the lady I went to high school with who’s intensely pro-birth/anti-choice. I don’t have the drive…

It’ll be really interesting to see how this plays out, especially in the civil side of things. I definitely admire her for her transition and all, but I’m hopeful that the system will also hold her accountable for her part in this accident.

Thank you, Jesus, for my fertility problems.

I am so happy with my own decision to NEVER PUSH A HUMAN BEING OUT OF MY BODY EVER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. I become more comfortable with it with each passing year and terrifying article.

Right? It’s decided. No kids. Nope.

Amen to that. The only thing I snarked in my head over was

Actually, no. With parents today, kids don’t know they aren’t good at their activities and giving them trophies for participation only propagates the idea that everyone is a winner and that everyone is a special snowflake. Yes kids know, but here’s a ribbon just to throw it in your face some more.