I'm just one in 7 billion people, so I dont matter much. Nevertheless: PLEASE FUCKING GO AWAY KARDASHIANS- FOREVER!

Young millennials make me feel like a freak for not constantly photographing myself. And for giving no fucks about social media. I’m doing life wrong!

Honorable mention: Have a way to make money when you get there.

“How to move across the country”

You realize this is a suggestion and not a legal mandate right?

ugh okay this is a subject near and close to my heart - because no offense to anyone, but i don’t like kids. don’t find em cute, most emphatically DO NOT want them at my someday future wedding - which i mean is not completely planned or anything, but i do know the gist of what i want, which involves lots of booze and…

The invitation itself is the direct statement. If your children are listed, they are invited. The converse is also true.

I’m sorry, but I have a kid, and there is no way in hell I would bring him to a wedding. He can’t even sit still for five minutes. I would not expect my child to be invited to any event unless it specifically said children welcome. However, I understand that a lot of people assume weddings are family affairs, so I…

Let's not get crazy. Lima beans are the worst.

You know, I’m really starting to doubt anyone who doesn’t think that Yoko was really the reason for the Beatles breaking...the record for number of times three guys have rolled their eyes during a recording session.

Isn’t it about time you gave peas a chance, Mister President?

I kind of feel like you aren’t really the one to tell someone what is or isn’t appropriate to tell a bride given that you don’t like the idea of getting married or of wedding traditions. I get what you are saying and at first I was gonna be like hells yeah! Why would you say you are gonna be a beautiful bride? I’m…

I mean I get that getting married isn’t just about the wedding day it’s about the marriage but like. I thought it was sweet when people told me I’d make a beautiful bride, I don’t see what’s wrong with saying that. And I totally did make a beautiful bride. So there.

File under: not worth an article.

Oh hell! There is no hard proof to reason that the jury person’s rape clouded their judgement. So this privileged fuck dick may walk because of someone else’s past rape experience? Damn!

What exactly is supposed to do? I think this quote from Ghostbusters 2 kind of sums it up nicely.

“Now Roof’s deranged white supremacist manifesto is public and it could qualify as evidence showing that Roof was not in a delusional”

Yeah but let’s be real. People look for certain markers of attractiveness. Women are as superficial as men. Attractiveness is a subjective and dependent on your target social group. So someone who is looking for a meat head is not going to date a thin hipster in skinny jeans ( I’m not sure if people still wear this).…

If you’re being hired to, among other things, kiss people on the mouth on camera, it seems like a reasonable question.

I don’t get those ugly, thick, grandpa sandals. And women just buy them just because they’re in magazines, and some of them are very expensive. But they’re literally something grandparents have worn for decades.