If not his son, it may turn the frogs gay and we can’t have that.

I’d argue that the mentality that the players owe something to the audience pervades most sports. It may be louder in football (probably because most fans have played, even if it was just a game at a picnic), but it’s everywhere. You see it when there’s even the intimation of a strike or lock out. “They get paid…

Browsing the internet on my phone furthers my resolve to leave my adblocker on at home. Autoplay videos, pop ups, the media that doesn’t load (Instagram posts mostly) while the same ad loads over and over and over again?

I didn’t think Hasbro could outdo its “Monopoly for Millennials” edition, which was subtitled ‘Forget real estate. You can’t afford it anyway.’

Amen.

Yep. The expectation is that people just need to stop whining and take whatever job they can... but if it doesn’t pay well or lacks benefits, then it’s our fault for taking it when we should’ve picked a better job. You know, the nonexistent jobs.

That’s my job. It’s like telling a fireman, ‘You can’t go into that burning building.’ Well, how am I gonna save lives?”

I’d genuinely be delighted if the backlash from within the NRA started with that sentiment. 

“Chris, why are you so weird?” “Chris, you keep using those big words!” “Chris, have you tried not being so smart all the time? People might like you that way.”

Look, none of this would have happened if there was a good guy with a gun. Unfortunately, in this case there were several “good guys with guns” so...

I do love using the Ten Commandments in gun debates:

Then anyone who ceases to be a janitor will just be replaced by someone else who is, and is still being paid the same below-subsistence wage. This is a, dare I say it, structural, rather than an individual problem. A person getting out of the janitorial market is not a solution if the world as a whole still needs…

Maybe if they went to a coding boot camp? Fourteen weeks and they’d get a super duper job no matter how many of those boot camps are closing this week!

Exactly. “People need to find jobs!” They get a job driving for Uber “Well it’s their own damned fault for finding such a shitty job!” Do you have any advice to help? “Well they should find a better job, they’re easy to find!” Like? “Look, they’re just lazy...”

Didn’t John Mulaney already explain this for us white people?

YYyyyep! It’s not that I want the kids off my lawn so much as I’m so much happier being way the fuck over here :)

Yeah, at the risk of sounding like a member of the “they’re just BODIES, maaaaan....” camp, it’s sort of felt like looking at a strangely animated copy of Grey’s Anatomy (the book, not the TV show).

Because they all imagine they’re going to be the star of their own Hollywood movie. It probably helps them get over their failed marriages go to sleep at night. Some guy comes in with a gun and starts blasting and then, just like John McClane, they’ll be there with a gun in hand and save the day and then maybe someone…

Which is the problem with that rhetorical approach and I wish someone would call Dave Rubin and Ben Shapiro out on it.

To lift from Bill Hicks: “YOU ARE FREE! TO DO WHAT WE TELL YOU! YOU ARE FREE! TO DO WHAT WE TELL YOU!”