He doesn’t pay anyone for anything.

Exactly.

I bitched about my morning commute today.

“I’ve got great rhythm, I just don’t know anything about music.”

But on the upside, the walls of the White House are about to be filled with the most extraordinary black velvet paintings. And I hear the Usher is having the staff replace half the bulbs with black lights.

Somebody please send this to the Steelers’ O-line.

I expect my beloved Buccos will respond with a simple, “Hold my beer.”

I’m surprised she didn’t understand him.

I’m sad their plans fell through and they never got their bundle of douchebag. BUT! On the upside, she won’t have to visit him in prison.

Rick Santorum is a man of substance. And that substance is Santorum.

He’s been pissy for at least the past 25 years.

Andy Reid: “What? There are palm trees! ...Shut up!”

No.

What “past mistakes” has Kaepernick made, exactly? There’s a difference in being a fuck-up and being a political activist. One is a mistake, and it’s a mistake not to be the other.

Nah. It’s Fincher.

Fight Club doesn’t qualify because it isn’t a bad movie. In fact, just the opposite.

How about “if it’s a goddamn catch, it’s a reception; if it’s not, it’s not?”

“I will continue being a man” says the guy who wears a beanie and gold chains as an on-air pundit.

But to be fair, they were paying by the expletive.

Cats. Am I right, people?