The extreme level of schadenfreude I was feeling has oddly doubled since reading your snotty, self-righteous tweet. Thank you for that. I’d buy you a beer, but I can only presume it would somehow offend you.

I’ll preface this by saying, if he did, in fact, assault women, then to hell with him.

I get it. I misspoke. Yes. They were. Of course, they were. But he wasn’t the great, steadying force he was hyped to be. A friend of mine who had to run from the falling debris has often said, “Guiliani didn’t do shit for me or anyone else.”

So, we’ve finally come around to the reality that he did nothing on 9/11 that any other mayor would have done, right? I get that the city had suffered a atrocious trauma but, Christ, he got ridiculous credit for going on television and “not being afraid.” Guess what? The entire city of New York wasn’t afraid. He…

And, here, all this time, I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate the Bengals more than I already do. No, no, wait— their owner is also a racist, narrow-minded, Republican fuckhead who believes the shit he just conjures up? (Surely, if I think it, it must be true.)

Roger Goodell is the dippiest dipshit who ever dipped shit.

The way I see it, we have two options, here:

A nation mourns.

Each is feline pretty confident in their respective argument.

It sucks but it really is the only option. It’s hungry so I’m guessing human tastes amazing.

This is nightmarishly tragic.

This isn’t a real question, is it? Its weight is the answer. It’s hungry. It’s desperate. It’s stronger and faster than humans.

That terra-cotta shithole is absolutely a virus coursing through humanity. Where’s a fucking white blood cell when you need it?

Okay, I’m not one for saying stupid, uninspired shit (now known as “Horton”) but you totally fucking won the internet for ever. In fact, ask the twins in “The Shining”: “Forever... and ever... and ever... and ever... and...”

God, After MASH was atrocious. The rule should be, “when a show ends, a show ends.” Better Call Saul is a rare exception.

Also, the world is falling apart. Minor thing.

Literally everything is better than Papa John’s.

It would help Pirates fans greatly if Jameson Taillon’s teammates would just piss on the ownership instead.

GGG would crush him. Crawford too. I think he’s got to understand his limits, otherwise he’s going to literally knock him out.

I’ve got three words for you: Bullshit.