Oooooh, now I understand “contouring”.

This isn't ice cream, not even close.

Black guy literally jumped out and assumed the position. What a world.

She seems competent enough to play the long con.

LOW LOW LOW SPOTTED THE BURNIE BRO YOU FEELIN THE BURN BRAH?!?

“As long as there’s no definitive proof of what occurred—and there never will be— this story won’t go away.”

I give a nice handshake when I have to, but I hate touching people. I usually ask for a redo on limp dicked handshakes. (when I’m at fault) I know some farmgirls that way outclass most men I know in the handshake department, including me.

You should shoot more men in the head.

you big, strong hand typo that all out

I did all those shitty jobs growing up, and goddamn, if I hire a plumber he better do them because I sure as hell don’t want to any more.

Sale of “Brut” down as well.

You did this, women. You asked us to stop choking and backhanding you when you get all hysterical, and now our pimp hands are weak.

That’s hashtag feminism for you.

She should have filed that restraining order, huh?

Something something little man in the boat.

Yeah because synchronized diving totally gets first pick of mates.

That’s their culture, you shouldn’t judge.

Because it’s not a restaurant, you salty bitch!