I wish i could be more vocal in public about my absolute hatred for the church. Until a year ago, everyone i knew was Mormon. My facebook feed is still 90% mormon.

The only thing that keeps me from just going ham online and letting everyone i was once affiliated with know how much i fuck despise that monument to my…

I grew up in this religion. I left it 15 years ago. To this day, I still have missionaries show up at my door asking why I’m still choosing to be inactive.

Is this where we’re talking about makeup today? Because I ordered more shit from ChiChi Cosmetics and it’s all SO GOOD. Their Viva La Diva matte lipsticks are seriously goddamn amazing. Not chalky matte, more satin/velvety matte, and not drying at all. And they smell like rosewater! And they have a little well in the…

That’s one thing dating long distance teaches you; your partner will definitely be hanging out with people of the same gender when you’re not there, and so will you, and that’s just the way it is.

hannukah menorah.

Thank you Hillary. This is a story that makes me smile because the badass women are getting shit done. And makes me furious that it has taken badass women who can get shit done, to get shit done because all the fucking men who run shit found a way to get all the weed smokers in jail but not the fucking rapists.

I was telling my cousin the other day that I am excellent at TV law and TV medicine. I can diagnose a TV patient in 5 seconds flat.

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

I could watch foam for an hour and a half. Moretz, not so much.

And a sra memenay to you too, sir. I’m way too amused by this.

I've been listening to Undisclosed, so between that and my Law and Order degree, I feel like they could put me on the bench and tag me in if anyone gets tired.

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.

No sorry it’s Gwake.

#AllHolidaysMatter

Yup! Sometimes my boyfriend is too tired to have sex-sex so he just goes down on me and then we go to sleep. I’M KEEPING HIM FOREVER!

I have 3 thoughts:

The day I decided I would not have sex with any man who didn’t first make me cum with his mouth was the day I left sexual purgatory and was admitted to Elysian Fields.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

My aunt proposed to my uncle on the beach, back in the 80s when that was a bit scandalous :)