Work poops are poops that you get PAID to take, though.

Or you just read the back of the shampoo/bodywash/conditioner bottle

“Hermès imposes on its partners the highest standards in the ethical treatment of crocodiles,”

Diet coke 4eva

Holy cow, the way they all jumped up and cheered when they said the word “Republicans.”

Amber Heard was literally the only thing that deflated “Magic Mike XXL” whenever she was on screen... (Jada, Elizabeth Banks and even Andie McDowell kept the energy up, jsyk.)

To this day I just have to think about the moment that goal went into the back of the net and I start crying. Every time. It was really impactful in the same way you described. It felt really awesome at the time for the short term gratification of winning in such an exciting way, but that really did give me an…

I can’t live w/o lemony flutter. I’ve even rubbed it on my lips in a pinch. Amazing stuff.

Not so humble brag: I got to see spring awakening with the original cast. That means I got to see johnathon groffs butt cheek, Lea Michelle's tit, and John Gallagher jrs amazing flock of seagulls hairdoo.

The hottest new thing in Moniga del Garda is La Scaletta. It has everything. Waiters that whisper the specials breathlessly in your ear, pizza cubes, chairs made of shitty tippers, entitlement cocktails, lamps that look like upside-down boobs, ice with messages inside about everything you did wrong in your childhood,…

So...what, they’re doing their impressions of their favourite confederate soldiers?

I remember the water sport story from the original post. It was gross. She was a champ, though.

I am not a hookup person. The story that follows was made possible by a combination of extraordinary factors, leading to a story that has become a legend in my circle of friends.

Maybe not the wildest, but perhaps my proudest.

“although in retrospect maybe he was just British”

This was not my hook-up but I witnessed the hook-up.

I was a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding. Got to the rehearsal, noticed that her three-years-younger brother had gotten SUPER cute since I last saw him, brought him back to my place after the reception and showed him a REAL good time. He ended up spending the night with me and trying to sneak back into the hotel…

I think the cat handles it remarkably well. My cat still gets freaked out when I sneeze and we have lived together for 10 years.

“I love homely girls. You remind me of my grandma. But you’re kinda sexy, can I have your number?”

I look forward to a time when randomly capitalizing words is considered a punishable offense.