Man, that’s awful. You know, I’ve recently been in touch with a prince from over there and he’s probably going to owe me a favour after I help him out with a little jam with his finances. I’ll see if he can look into it.

The conversation would go something like this:

Yeah. A smart baby would hear the capital C!

The adorable little story, told by Kate Middleton to Florida’s News-Press.

I bet Ariana Grande knows China is a country...maybe she’s the world’s smartest baby.

If Hillary is the Democratic nominee, people better vote for her. I don’t care if you disagree with some of her policies. We all do. But don’t not vote, or vote for a third party candidate in protest. That would pretty much guarantee a Republican victory, a two-term presidency, and Republican-appointed Supreme Court…

I find it fascinating that, in that video, we don’t even hear anything about Hillary until 1:34. And she does a great job, really subtly, capturing the changing face of America.

...the topic of this Golf Digest effort—“The Hottest Patrons at Augusta”—is just awful.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you: I love your voice.”

My sister is convinced that if she does not sleep fully dressed she will have some emergency evacuation of her home in the middle of the night and she will be naked. I have been sleeping sans pajamas for 15 years and never once had to emergency evacuate my home naked.

You know, I take serious issue with the fact we are calling this idiotic. The jokes he wrote weren’t funny, and they were definitely antisemitic and weirdly misogynistic for literally no reason. It didn’t even improve the stupid, shitty jokes. Had he been, say, a Republican staffer who was making inappropriate…

“The principal told Love that it wasn’t anything personal”

2939 Renwick St, Monroe, LA 71201 (318) 387-8441

Can we get a number to call, or an address? It’s funny what a thousand phone calls can do.

When I was around 8, I performed my first and only successful April Fool's Day prank which involved fooling all of my friends into thinking I was getting a pony. My MOM even played along, which really sealed the deal, and I had everyone totally convinced. I was a very imaginative child and I made up this whole…

I'm explaining the widespread impulse, and it's root cause. I would venture exactly none of these guys know why they do the things they do.

They don't like it when their monopoly on deciding the value of other humans is taken from them. They hate it when women admire other women, they hate it when we admire ourselves. Deciding who matters is core to their identity, and when that is taken away, they feel disempowered. For your average loser dude, being…

Especially coming from this expired jar of mayo, he needs to look in mirror and not some delusional mirror that tells him he fairest one of all.

Men just hate that Women can have a worth- any worth- when they are not conventionally attractive. MY god! A woman who isn't pretty doing something! I MUST PROTEST THIS.

A friend of mine called his wife while we were in Afghanistan. She was really excited that to tell him that she was eight weeks pregnant. One problem: we had been in Afghanistan for three months. Turns out his wife was kinda bad at math.