May God grant you the serenity to accept the dicks you cannot change.

Well, shit. But who do I talk to about my crippling addiction to ALL THE GENITALS?

My mom teaches small children and occasionally uses a Count Von Count puppet (from Sesame Street) when working with math/numbers. She does the voice, the accent, the whole nine yards; the kids love it.

My name is Kenny... and I'm a cockoholic. I haven't had a man in three days.

six months? I have fifty pages left of the last book and gobbled them all down in less than a month. Not like I was, you know, binge-reading or anything. Now that I'm on the last little bit, I will allow a dignified week or so go by and start reading them all again.

True, wolf sanctuaries are in dire need of funding.

Well, GRRM is already going to kill him; I'd say there's little more we can do in that regard.

I almost think they were striving to be a legit magazine for teenage girls and the profile of a Navajo was an interesting profile. Fast forward and they don't care for substance, just whatever appropriated style is in. That type of things changed long ago, though.

The worst part is knowing that the "World's Greatest Aunt" mug she gave her was a total farce

Agreed. Which is why I am willing to go to your house and eat your dog.

Wow, Tay Tay needed to maybe plan that out a bit better. That be rouuuuugh. But hey, the thought and sentiment = super cute.

I thought it was a bag, too! Girl! You know Target will give you a nickel for bringing your own!

I don't really understand what "normal" means, either, in this context. I think she's a beautiful woman who's in great shape, and anybody who disagrees with me is just wrong.

With LSD.

Sorry, Iggy and Lorde, not buying it. If there's one thing Flight of the Conchords taught me it's that New Zealanders and Australians are naturally bitter enemies.

Pancake people always abusing a tragedy. It's too soon. A good guy with a waffle is the only thing to help a bad guy with a waffle.

My father was a conservative Catholic parent but he had the same reaction to my crazy mother bringing up the idea of getting me and my sisters "Purity Rings" for Christmas. It skeeved him out too so that's saying something.

When all the catholic girls in my hometown were getting purity rings, I sort of found myself wanting one. I was (am?) pretty materialistic although in the purity regards I suppose I'm "morally casual". Anyways, my dad bought me a ring and said "this ring should remind you that you're allowed to do whatever you feel…

I don't know if I want to be famous for being the world's Least Fun Person At Parties.

Points to Gatto for not using her prominence for something other than anti-abortion advocacy