Not vying for the contest, but the Ouija story brought back my own Oujia memories...

I am the same. I am convinced they should through you a signal, like a catcher in baseball, so you know how many kisses they are heading for. Once I got two and thought, well we are close friends and went for a third, and they said "oh, another? Huh." I died inside a little.

Oh god. I’m glad they helped you! Your story just reminded me of something that happened t0 me many years ago as a freshman in college, living in a high rise co-ed dorm. I’d just gotten a phone call telling me that my grandfather had unexpectedly died of a heart attack... I was a crying mess, and I needed a bit privacy…

I had nerves before a semi-blind date with a younger guy. Date ends up going great. I bring him back to my apartment to smoke weed and listen to music. In search of a song on Spotify, he moves my mouse to wake up my computer. Before him is the google search results I left up before leaving: “First date tips”. All…

Similar experience at Girl Scout camp. I was under the impression that it was against the law to move or speak or do anything except stand with your hand dutifully over your heart during the national anthem as a kid. Also the bathrooms at camp were full of daddy long legs, and once I pulled toilet paper out of the…

Recently, my chair broke while I was in a Zoom meeting and I went crashing into my computer stand, so I sympathize. 

I accidentally sent a naked photo of myself to a group chat with my parents and grandfather. That was 6 years ago and my parents still make offhand comments to be careful about sending photos to the wrong people.

Isn’t it kind of incredible that a lot of these are from grade school? Like, we remember those mortifications for life and forget about the things that likely caused real adult pain and strife.

I used to sing in a choir in Manhattan. We had rehearsal on a weeknight that lasted from 8-10 pm — and I had a long commute home and it was always rough to be at work early the following morning. During the mid-rehearsal break I decided to sneak out the building’s back door, which turned out to be a fire escape going…

At a party to congratulate a colleague’s academic achievement, I (knowingly, somehow, and not even drunk yet!) told a rude and unfunny dick joke in front of my Ph.D. advisor, department chair, and two of the university’s top administrators.

This is still embarrassing. In 5th grade I’d under-dressed for a day that turned rainy. As I went to leave, my very nice teacher looked at me and the rain in concern and offered me his denim jacket for my walk home. I gratefully took it mostly because I had a bit of a kid crush on him. Did this kid crush lead me to…

Mash-up from last week’s halloween contest and this week’s mortification contest:

9th grade, went dressed as Michael Phelps to school in a speedo, didn’t make it through first period before they called my mom to come pick me up.

This is sort of Halloween appropriate, but seems gruesome at first, so keep that in mind. Backstory: I was a kid in Los Angeles in the 70s and 80s when there seemed to always be a serial killer on the loose, notably the hillside strangler a few years previous to this incident- and I lived on a hill.

So the Elon Musk one is totally not mortifying, you are a hero for that one.

This isn’t close to the most mortifying thing I’ve ever done, but it’s fairly light hearted.

Sooooooo many.

I was standing against the wall at the roller rink with all my grade school friends when the couples skate was announced. A cute guy named Brian from the grade above us came to a stop in front of me and held out his hand. I was elated and grabbed for his hand. As we skated away, I heard my friend Sara say, “Snow, what…

Ugggghhh.

You’re a proud Hamerican. No one is faulting you for this.

every time I try to do the European kiss greeting thing