Read The Book of Unknown Americans instead. Incredible.

I have a suggestion for the parents’ and legislators’ reading list:

“immersed herself into the Chinese culture for six years before she even began to write the aforementioned novel.”

All you have to do is say: At your age, you’re going to have a lot of urges. You’re going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you WILL get chlamydia... and die.

Two guesses.

Yeah my first response was, “I hope he gets shitcanned faster than you can say CREEPER” but wow, apparently nobody cares.

Because men’s intentions matter more than their impact and it wasn’t even that bad! Besides, wymin are just OvErReAcTiNg

Why, WHY do men think that this is acceptable behavior!??!?! Fuck yes I’m generalizing, and I don’t care. 

Well, if Meghan wants to sleep with common people, people like me; I’ll be happy to help her out.

A couple things:

Unless it’s a film like The Iron Giant that turns me into a blubbering mess and I scare the five year old sitting next to me.

Don’t know why this had to turn ad hominem, but 1) yes, I prefer comfort, 2) with most movies of that ilk a larger screen doesn’t improve the experience in any perceptible way, and 3) fuck you.

My own personal contribution to this list would be thus:

Watch big-budget action movies—think Thor or The Day After Tomorrow—in a theater, ideally on opening night right around the time the local high school gets out.

Oh my goodness those kitties

A lot of you are really into your dogs. Lots of social media posts, lots of conversations at dinners and other functions about your dogs. I see you transporting baggies of dog shit on the subway. Seems like a lot? Some of you even have two dogs. (I’ve heard rumors of four dogs.) Kind of weird, I think.

They look slightly upset that you disturbed them while taking the picture.

I had a cat when I was a kid that looked like the gray and white one. I named her Will Clark after the baseball player, but hell if I remember why.

I wholeheartedly agre . 

My cats take up less room in the bed than a person. When they pee, it all goes into a litter box and not the rim of my toilet or the surrounding floor. They want a reasonable amount of attention and leave me alone the rest of the time. For those reasons, plus my general disinterest in sex, cat’s seem like a more…