Narcissism is a hell of a drug.

in lieu of his sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You open it even if it’s addressed to your wife.”

“Sucker,” they both laugh to themselves, walking away after the deal.

Well, if Kaepernick is interested, Tomsula is willing to trade two beaver pelts for his Beats.

At least “waived gate” comes with its own conspiracy nomenclature.

Count the motherfucking clauses in that sentence. Forget the horrifying shit show that was the topic, any editor who let that damn clusterfuck out the door should be fired on the spot for that alone.

I mean Diana could always write an article about Cam Newton robbing a fellow student and getting busted for academic fraud at UF multiple times and then having him and his father break NCAA rules by selling Cam to the highest bidder.

Finally, the Panthers found someone who isn’t scared to jump into a dogpile.

I feel like if you’re commenting on an article and intending for other people to read your comment, you should have a basic command of the language. I don’t see it as discrimination.

You don’t see it as discrimination, because you failed to read or process the assertion that older men do get airtime. See examples in: all old men on TV.

It's not about caring, bro. People who aren't fucking stupid don't need to think about where they're writing and concentrate on how to do it. If you can't put a sentence together on Deadspin, there's no reason to think you can anywhere else.

For me, it’s still too soon to hear a radio broadcast of a shouting German

Hoping this play will be on continuous loop for the next fucking year, and we can finally give Malcolm Butler a fucking rest.

Oh I understand the aggressive part of it. I’m not trying to downplay it’s offensiveness in the least; it’s incredibly abusive. It’s just at a certain point don’t these dudes take a moment to step back and consider “what am I doing?” And “why am I doing this?” I guarantee that guys like this do it 100's of times.

Unrelated memo to the National Fucklords League: If you don’t stop with the for-profit pinkwashing pig dickery, Real Breast Cancer Survivors are gonna storm your pukey pink-lined turf this October and strangle refs with Pepto pink whistle lanyards, choke coaches with pink challenge flags and stuff pink wristbands,…

You are trying to get Pats fans to accept that they lost like a “normal” team, god bless you

Before the Broncos’ last score, Peyton missed two consecutive touchdown passes from the 13. So, if the “yeah, but” applies to a blown two-point conversion, I’m going to use it here and say the Patriots could just have easily been down six points.

Do you know what parenthesis even are?

I don’t even care, I’m just happy the perpetually sanctimonious and whiny Patriots aren’t going.