I cackled when Debbie stole that stroller also I cant believe Carl seriously got circumcised just because his girlfriend would go down on him smh but can we talk about what I am super into.... the Thruple? Because I am in love with that relationship. Kevin and V were already goals but adding Svetlana did wonders for…

Blabbedy bloop politicizing tragedy blerp! From my cold hands doop a doop derp gunz freedum derp tyranny huckafucka!

All that’s missing is “Stay sweet! Don’t ever change!”

Tiffany,

I am ashamed to admit that I thought reindeer were mythical creatures until like 5 years ago. Someone at work mentioned how a Christmas thing had real reindeer and I was like “Ok, dummy, did they have unicorns too?” And everyone then told me I was the dummy. I was in my 30s when this happened.

otoh, chicken apple sausages can’t get much worse (unless you have really awesome mustard)

I drank rosé and ate cheez-its in a hot tub this morning and I am not on vacation THAT’S JUST LIKE TYPICAL SEVEN AM SHIT TO ME.

I’ve been that person who has had to clean up poop from the walls in a public restroom that somebody left behind. I hope your boyfriend understands how fucking terrible and disgusting it is.

Hey, Einstein. Most adopted parents name their adopted children, just like bio parents name their bio kids. Especially infants or kids who came from abusive backgrounds. Maybe shut up about stuff you know nothing about.

-- Brad is subject to random drug/alcohol testing.

“trembling autumnal leaf Nicole Kidman”

Don’t forget your 4 necklaces, one made out of silver chain, two made out of hemp and glass beads, and the last one made out of rainbow paper clips.

I was just noticing the other day how vulpine this dad looked when he was younger. I guess the supernatural runs strong with this family.

Gina Rodriguez is that social media friend who won’t stop gushing about her “King”, then 3 months later cross posts a cryptic message from Instagram like

I’m always so impressed by toddlers with luxurious heads of hair. My daughter is like a month younger than Charlotte and is on track to have a comparable amount of hair when she is approximately seven.

I remember watching the first episode and next thing you know I was on the last episode.... it was addictive.

The sound of the baby’s heart eventually breaks the moment of silence and Zoey says, “Thank you, God,” which could be an instinctual reaction from her—she could still be questioning her beliefs.

Miley talking that disrespectful shit about Mariah just makes me feel old. No one who remembers the 90s could think that Miley is on any level qualified to take on Mariah. Run along, scamp.