Several years later it murdered three other geese and committed suicide in jail.

If you’re gonna insult the school’s academic ineptitude, at least get the fucking name right.

Yeah, clearly I was trying to show how incredibly brilliant I am by pointing out that time zones exist.

He’s right, you know. All you have to do is point to that 12 hour stretch where the entire planet goes dark at once while the sun passes behind the flat disk of Earth. Frankly I’m surprised nobody has noticed this nightly phenomenon yet.

Jonathan Martin became the face of bullying in sports. He had a platform, a voice, people listened to him. This is what he chooses to do? Making it seem like this kind of shit is alright? The suicide suggestion is awful and notice that I didn’t touch on that once, that’s a deep, dark subject to get into and if he…

i drink chicken broth as a “sports drink.”

Maybe if, as a teacher, you shot them, it would help.

/jokes

It’s when you let a homeless guy eat your ass.

Why do you think he’s a Republican? There’s no telling how many times he was swirlied or tossed in a dumpster in high school.

I’m so sorry for this.

What right did Trump have to get into politics that LeBron doesn’t?

This was not the snow the Mexican and Colombian skiers were promised.

“Gimme a T!”

I mean, Catholic lady up there spent her morning at Mass praying and look where it got her.

Yup. I grew up middle of the middle class, so we were stable enough not to need assistance, but as an adult in the white-collar world in an industry in which most workers are underpaid, I’ve struggled. Some things were my own fault, I will grant you, and I’ve never need food stamps, but I’ve been laid off a couple…

“Only morons care about cars.”

Don’t cut yourself on all that edge

Why? It’s pretty good. They get good guests, the cars are cool, and the episodes are relatively short.

My show was called Mr. Steinfeld.