Counterpoint: most of what I’ve seen on facebook (from geniuses no less) says it will be the brightest in our lifetime. As I was just born around 3 PM yesterday, I assume these claims are true..

Your asshole can develop nukes there in like six hrs also. On point! 

We used to huff propane in this old graveyard because it was near town and always deserted. I mean, we smoked weed and drank there too, but that seems less interesting

I was drunk when I posted this and I think it is maybe my worst joke ever...

I knew one who worked for a company that specialized in fracking. “Polly want a cracker” meant a very different thing to that parrot..

Remember when Dhalsim brought a fireball to the senate floor to prove global cooling was a hoax?

Can join you in the tub without electrocuting you.

This is such exploitative bullshit. Everyone knows your body can only achieve true internal fusion chie by applying temporary tattoos made from non-gmo double-organic polymers that NASA uses to store it’s coconut oil in space.

This was clearly ISIS and not just regular contractors. How else do you explain them yelling “Allahu Snackbar” as they made off with their troves of Junior Mints and Whatchamacallits?

What kind of people says mmmbop?

I would be mildly upset with Walgreens for giving out my personal info. Now if Pornhub did it I would have to go into hiding from the shame...

“So is your girlfriend!”

I only wore Hypercolor t-shirts for a decade or so, but then I realized it had been a decade or so since I last had sex...

Even if he did get the frog from Starfox 64 on there it wouldn’t matter, because he’ll never defeat Andross!!!

My mother-in-law, who is a schoolteacher, just told us last night while scrolling Facebook “did you know that if you feed chickens expired yogurt they triple their egg production?”

Trump: You’re making me Comey...

Cheese did end up hanging himself, in an alley near his home.

Everyone knows voice recognition software was crap until 1998, when the Furby came and revolutionized the industry.

I would name it CatdogWhisperer, the most clever and not at all rushed so I could hurry up and comment name ever thought of..

Haha, fair enough. I’ve never been but I have a work thing (I’m in Charleston area) so I just thought I’d ask. I might just try the lead paint if it is a local specialty..