The last time anyone was this surprised by some shredded iceberg was April 15, 1912..

I’m still waiting for them to invent Facebook Mime, where I can perform my routine with no audio, no longer burdened by the uncontrollable and deafening farts that have plagued me since the onset of my alcoholism.

His birth name, Munson Mongo, reminds people of a bowling film and also invokes thoughts of an impairment that many people used to refer to as “waterhead.” Hudson Hongo sounds much better, leave him alone!

We will weather four years and elect Biden in 2020. Also Trump is the world’s problem, not just ours...

It will be called Gooschläger, and the meat will contain actual metals! People love gimmicky shit like that

The check engine light has been on in my truck since 2011. Everyone tell your car stealing friends that it is up for grabs, no chance of being trapped. 170,000 miles, runs great! I even leave the door unlocked most of the time. Please, steal it and let me collect the insurance money

Headphones are so outdated. The head is so outdated. I predict that the groin will be the head of the future. The head will be the thing millennials say the new generation doesn’t appreciate. Damn kids.. Humans in the future will “listen” to music directly into their genitals. Even the heavy bass on your dick…

You are clearly addicted to being an ass. I pray for your recovery

Gushers fruit snacks are delicious, this sounds like a meat version. Deep fry them and feed them to me until I burst!

Well you can only learn so much from whispers. But based the fact that they seem to always have their faces in someones ass, I suspect they probably picked something up from it...

Ok, but do they remember all the weird porn they saw you watching before you realized they were in the room?

I am boycotting these videos until they do what we all wanna see: a circumcision.

Sometimes it plays automatically after Beep Beep by Snuggle Bunny, so I’d say that might explain it. I see no reason to explain why I know that...

This is a dumb article. My crippling lonliness and alcoholism have nothing to do with my 1998 JVC KaboomBox being my closest friend..

“You may not like him, Minister, but you can’t deny: Dumbledore’s got style.”

Huffing fungus spores will be the new vape in ten years, mark my words. I was going to continue the joke but I’m drunk and need sleep. Good to see you old Gawker pal

Shocking update: middle-aged white man doesn’t have full understanding of Travon Martin story

I can’t tell if this is a pro or anti vape post...

Why wasn’t this filed to Ken’s Bone?

Make no mistake, the nerdiest hipsters, rednecks, liberals, conservatives, etc vape. Every group has an extra lame faction, and they all fucking vape.