Drumpf offered policy specifics for the inner cities: he called for a revitalized Motor City, with “factories everywhere” and “new roads and bridges” as well as “new schools—especially schools.”

Methinks your dark humor was just ahead of it’s time. That’s golden in my opinion!

God bless really, really blond John Barrowman.

As an person who was in HS before the “new” Producers came out, when knowing the Producers was an obscure, cult thing, one of my friends and I were discussing Mel Brooks and discovered that we both knew and adored it. We therefore burst out into “Springtime for Hitler” in the hallway at school, like you do.

The water was “confused.”

Did they check the doormat? It’s probably under the doormat.

The fact that there are only two gates at this stadium bodes poorly for anyone who is in the human stampede when the stadium catches fire or collapses.

At this point, I’m just glad they resorted to a sensible solution like bolt cutters, instead of explosives, or ramming a truck into it, or ramming a truck full of explosives into it.

Who needs the Hunger Games?

To remove any ambiguity to his intent, after cutting the bolts, the security guard took a shit in a puddle.

I can’t really blame them. They probably expected the gate to have been stolen by the morning.

Well, I for one am shocked. I didn’t think we would hear a single story about anything being too secure in Rio this month.

Its as if the Onion is just getting lazy.

Why isn’t nibbling on mediocrity the obvious choice here? If you choke on greatness, you’re dead unless someone can perform a Heimlich of effectiveness. I’ll be nibbling on mediocrity for decades after your corpse is helping worms gnaw on incompetence.

You should definitely spend more time analyzing this.

EAT EXCELLENCE FOR BREAKFAST
SHIT GREATNESS AFTER LUNCH
MUNCH SUPERLATIVE TAPAS
DRINK HARD WORK AT NIGHT
DRINK MORE HARD WORK LATER AT NIGHT
DRINK A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT OF HARD WORK ALL NIGHT
DRIVE STRAIGHT FOR THE LIGHT POLE
WAKE UP IN DRUNK TANK
AND DO IT AGAIN

This is Buzz Williams.

premature lexit

As a diehard Blues fan, I can attest that this is 100% accurate.

I don’t think it’s possible for there to be a more Blues thing to happen then this.