Actually, isn’t the city’s biggest celebrity a fictional character from a movie?

So an exchange rate of 1.25? That's about right. 

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

Maybe if you didn’t excessively masturbate in the office bathroom all day.  Wait, where am I going with this?

Like most people, they criticize in others what they secretly despise about themselves, you fat asshole. 

And the thumb poking through the palette is positioned, well, interestingly.

No way does a storm trooper actually throw a pitch into the strike zone.

I mean, if you’re gonna unfurl a ‘Trump 2020’ flag somewhere, you might as well do it where the people there are so stupid they went to an Orioles game in August.

How lucky her motorcycle crashed during the golden hour.

Excessive levels of toxic waste didn’t ruin the Meadowlands.

Red red whine

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

A Colt with a broken leg? Absolutely Barbaric.

Andrew Luck, the Alfa Romeo of Quarterbacks.

I’m not a Panthers fan, but I did once work at CMU, whose business school is named after Tepper. That august institution is home to a statue of a guy literally chiseling himself from a rock, just some straight up Randian shit. I guess what I’m saying is fuck David Tepper.

What would Richardson’s legal remedy be if, say, his statue were to somehow disappear? Would he get the team back? Free hot dogs for life at the north concession stand?

The laptop that Cam Newton stole in college is technologically more advanced than 95% of North Carolina. 

She needs to be tested for a performance enhancing radioactive spider bite.

Well when you factor in their wives AND mistresses, you can get a lot of dead clumps of cells from one dude.

19,000? There can’t be that many Southern Baptist pastors and Republican state senators in one town.