There’d be more but they got laid off.

They’re actually looking through his crotch, at his wallet in his back pocket. Like Superman, except hoes. I believe the prophet Soulja Boy wrote of this 

Why would you even want to be monogamous?

Now that’s some offensive rebounding!

I bet his Mom and Aunties get on his ass about finding a nice girl. They probably settled for Khloe. His dick settled for anyone who looked at his dick like it was a rare exotic bird.

If Jeter knew his limitations, he’d have been a left fielder.

It’s not a shock that Jeter’s showing even less range as an owner than Loria did.

This president is having problems with someone named Stormy so he hires someone named Sunshine?

Based on the picture, they’re all ground rule doubles now.

Based on the indictment, Belle is still racking up doubles.

So one day, this old lady calls me—by the way, I met her later, very good looking for her age, not a pound overweight, very beautiful—she tells me the portions are too small. And I tell her, “That’s a terrible shame. That’s really a shame. I know Dave Thomas. I play racquetball with him all the time. He cheats all the…

The fact that these russia loving, humanity hating, classless, cultureless, chinless, dickless, spineless, Garland Merrick blocking, scheming, semi-sentient, greedy blobs of shit with horrible HORRIBLE fitting skin suits have the gall to call anyone else in the entirety of Democracy obstructionist fills me with so…

How else can we expect Spurs fans to find the silverware?

I’m not even a Vikings fan, Drew, but if Brees ends up in Minnesota, I will also shit your pants.

If he is 20, I would advise him to go straight to college. I would tell him, don’t go back to Rockville and waste another year.

Fun fact: His real name was Declan Patrick MacPresley.

Ne-ver want to see ya take a snap

I’m sorry L. Jackson, but please run this wheeeeel

Of course. Now I know what went wrong with all of my relationships. It wasn’t that I’m “emotionally unavailable” or “probably clinically depressed”. They just weren’t loyal enough to the program.

Typical terrible RichRod advice. Everyone knows it’s so much easier to control her if you don’t educate her.