I keep on reading “Fifty Shades Freed” as “Fifty Shades Feed,” which would be a very different movie.

Yeah there was a website I cannot no remember that posted big chunks with comment and that’s where I read some of it and it was just so god awful.

Stop making these! It’s like watching vanilla ice cream try to mate.

I’m shocked folks know the plotline of this tripe; I barely made it through the first book. People know there is actual erotic erotica right?

While the first two books are...tolerable? The third is so upsetting. The emotional abuse just skyrockets after they are officially married.

Oh my god yes. I tried really hard to erase that from my memory.

Is this the part where he purposefully “puts” hickeys all over her chest area so she can no longer wear bikinis to the beach? As a “punishment” for going topless for like, five minutes? How romantic, you guys. Let’s all swoon together!

If just erotica? Ok. As an example of BDSM? KILL IT WITH FIRE!

You know I’ve surprisingly enjoyed him in his non everyone loves Raymond roles.

God, I bet he’s never hated his name more.

I never would have imagined that I will ever be saying this about something that stars Ray Romano (!), but here it goes: this looks delightful.

Has the world exploded yet?!

“She believes that if boys don’t meet high physical expectations they’re accused of weakness, while a girl who can’t climb the rope in gym class isn’t pushed to do more, unless she finds a sport to focus on.” 

Jessie Graff is so amazing. I watched her on ANJ and the shit she does is outrageous. I didn’t know her upbringing. That is incredibly badass.

But can we talk about how the pitch deck markets this year as “Year 1: Water” like they’re on the journey of the Last Airbender?!?

I like how she omits a doctor from this conversation. Like I have no husband or boyfriend, and I’m an atheist, AND I’m on bc. So I guess I’m just doing it aaaalllllll wrong.

I love how she conveniently erases the possibility of sex for anyone who’s not both religious and married. An approach that has been tested literally everywhere throughout history and has worked literally never and nowhere. If you want to talk about “always preventing the conception of a child”.

So basically the only credentials needed to get a White House press pass is to demonstrably hate women or minorities, preferably both.

He’s like an unfunny Will Ferrell.

His voice is like if a gamergater’s penis could talk.