Also, note that for this subject in particular, the employee really has to have screwed up in a unique and interesting way for anyone to have a reason to care about the story. If you specifically requested a sandwich with no mayo, and a server then brought you a sandwich with mayo on it, well, I’m very sad for you,…

We used to call in well, which I guess is as much a fuck you as calling in suicided’ is.

I have to shamefully admit that while cleaning a shower stall in the basement of a house with very hard water, my mom did the chlorine gas thing back in the day and messed up her lungs something fierce. She always ends the story with “But oh my the shower stall was GLEAMING WHITE when I finished!”

The first time my bestie flew she was with me, she started freaking out so badly I couldn’t keep her still and we hadn’t even taken off we were just then taxying to our runway. Being an amazing friend I did what any reasonable person would do:

A friend of mine was on this flight. She posted more info in her Facebook feed - apparently there was duct tape and plastic handcuffs involved. Said passenger started the ruckus by repeatedly kicking the seat in front of her, and when asked to stop she slapped the person who asked her. It escalated from there...

If only someone on the flight had spoken jive, all this might have been avoided.

Bichons have a tendency to take over your soul. My family used to have one. On Day 1, my Dad said, “I do not love dogs, not since my childhood Beagle, Skippy, died in my arms on Christmas day.”
On Day 2, my Dad was singing to the Bichon in a falsetto.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

God’s kinda OK, but his fanboys can be serious assholes.

Chalk me up to “ordering extravagantly”. Whatever I’ve saved in not paying for a professional move, I make up for in pizzas, sodas, beer, and sweets.

There was a popular children’s book masquerading as a business self-help manual called “Who Moved My Cheese?” Now I regret that I never read it.

Are those Guitar Hero guitars? Like he’s lording over video game controllers?

We need a mandatory high school class in workers rights in this country. Like the year that you’re eligible to work you attend a class where they talk about minimum wage, hourly pay and wage theft, sexual harassment, workplace injuries and your rights in regards to them, and all the other crap that can happen on the…

Draw me like one of your French girls.

Never apologize for a Lucille Bluth gif.

So, when I was in kindergarten, I wasn’t allowed to carry an umbrella on the bus.

I have always had a baby face. At 27, I look like I’m a teenager, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be carded well into my thirties.

I’’m a minimalist

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: “minimalism” is just another manifestation of materialism. The motivations are the same, the only difference is the message...materialists say “I’m better than you because I have more stuff”. Minimalists say “I’m better than you because I’m more humble”. I choose “none of the…

The Queen is so well dressed you might say Wintour is coming....i'll let myself out.