“Women have very little idea of how much men hate them”

This is some petty shit and I am living for it.

I wonder how many signs you would have to make to equal the cost of an IUD.

I know, right? Why can’t they just believe in the cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman…

He is like Rapunzel with orange hair, who sits in his tower, waiting for his prince charming, I mean chopper.

Everyone knows you win Civil Rights by hoarding your Freedom Points until you can buy out your opponent’s Public Housing cards. Duhhhh. Trump Tip!

Rob Schneider probably considers Jar-Jar Binks to be nuanced satire.

“Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.”—Roger Ebert

I was just trying to act presidential!

“Donald Trump died this morning, peacefully in his sleep”

Challenge for the next 4 years: Find a story about Donald Trump where ‘this is horrifying’ is not a context appropriate descriptor of what is happening.

He’s really following the Great Dictators Handbook, isn’t he. Disgusting.

Well, come on. There can’t be room in the White House for both a press corps and strippers and a cocaine table. Sacrifices have to be made.  

Seriously, with each new thing I read I keep asking myself “What the fucking fuck is going on?” and THERE ARE NO ANSWERS. Words fail me.

My favorite thing about this election is that the same people who always bitched that Obama was soft on Putin are now enthusiastically supporting a guy who is openly sucking his dick. Excuse my language.

Who would have thought Seth Meyers would emerge as the hard-hitting late-night personality?

Is this fool really using the Shaggy defense?!

The irony is physically painful.

we learned this from you, dad...WE LEARNED THIS FROM YOU!

So we’re all gonna call Toomey’s office to teach them what graphic descriptions of the menstrual cycle are like, right?