Nothing says "fuck you" from a representative like total disregard for the thoughts and opinions of your constituents in favor of a, quite literal, "whats good for me is good for a lot of people" attitude. Ah, representative democracy. What a farce.

...You've never worked in a restaurant, have you?

nope. Every BOH of every restaurant most people have worked in is taken care of by native Spanish-speakers. Even if the restaurant is white as hell in FOH, the BOH is usually 50% Hispanic. The restaurant industry depends on them.

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

Maybe the boyfriend is the problem, not the ghost. Maybe Casper was trying to help you and you ignored all his warnings.

My thoughts exactly. Do we have a nationwide service industry zombie problem?

These customers remind me of the dumbest person I ever had walk through the doors of the Borders I managed after college.

John Kameroff, you sir, are hilarious. A tip of the monogrammed thermos to you.

Me too. Or I'll just put the towel down on the bed and sit on it, naked. There's something about being freshly clean from a shower and being naked that just feels great.

Sometimes when I'm alone in my car listening to NPR, I will repeat the stories in an accent. Especially if the reporter HAS that accent, because then I can perfect it. But also just randomly, I'll just repeat after the host, reciting the story using a British, Scotish, Australian, Indian, French, Russian, or some…

do you inspect the hell out of your Biore strips, sometimes with reading glasses?

I don't see why this is not a thing already.

Pork Wine. The OTHER white wine.

Today is my 8th straight day at work (at a coffee shop rife with monogrammed thermosery). After placing our weekly order this morning I have been refreshing the Kitchenette homepage repeatedly waiting for comic relief. Pinkham, you've restored my sanity yet again.

*apple cider vinegar

Turn around, Lindsay Wagner! Robert Redford carved a sleeping kitty out of wood just for you.

She just had a Crunchy allergy, thats all.

The chocolate store woman is clearly kin to "I'm allergic to crunchy".

"Oh, well that's okay. I'm not allergic if they're ground up."

How about I love Netflix more than you.