The answer to your question is because this is a snarky humor website. That being said, I agree with your take. You’re correct.

I know I’m going to be the buzzkill on the snark (FWIW I think this is the funniest thing I’ve read during Senior Week), but the giveaway is how everybody on the ship — including the snotty hateful first class one-percenters — applauds Rose and Jack’s reunion. To me, that tells me that this is Heaven, because while…

Stop, dude. Trust me. Just....stop.

Wow. This internet thing isn’t going to work out for you. Thanks for coming in. We’ll be in touch.

God fucking bless WPIX Channel 11, I mean it. Good times!!!!!!!!!!!

Because sometimes it’s not enough to just ignore something. Sometimes you actually have to speak up and call out bullshit.

Because sometimes it’s not enough to just ignore something. Sometimes you actually have to speak up and call out bullshit.

You are absolutely correct. And what the people attacking you don’t understand is, sometimes it’s not enough to just ignore something. Sometimes you actually have to speak up and call out bullshit.

But...but.........General Tso’s!!!!!!!! SEE HOW CULTURED AND COSMOPOLITAN I AM????

That’s hot. I’m single. Call me.

A/s/l?

I will gay marry you for that.

Affirmative.

So, Britain? :)

Alcohol is good for you.

This is fucking disgusting.

You think we’re going to solve problems like race relations and global warming? WE’RE A FUCKING SOCIETY OF ADULTS THAT PLAYS VIDEO GAMES WHILE DRIVING CARS.

Another day, another mood and I would be chuckling at this story, but all I know is as I started reading this, I started visualizing…

Literally TL;DR. Did I miss anything even vaguely entertaining or interesting? Like maybe even at a Planck scale? No? Yeah lol.

That’s hot.

That’s hot.

This comes 6 months late, but I’m a recent convert to Jalopnik so pardon my tardiness to the party: Patrick, I’m single. CALL ME. Woof!!!!!!

Oh my God, a rational human being. THANK YOU FOR EXISTING. Seriously.