Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

Things got really tense when both vehicles wound up in line at a nearby Checkers.

And all of that doesn’t even matter because he filmed it in portrait.

JJ Watt didn’t skip leg day on 9/11.

Dude Where’s My Car-eer?

He would have dropped his second green jacket on the day.

Yeah, who wants to be able to walk to everything you need when you can become obese, ruin the environment and kill 30,000 Americans every year while paying thousands in car payments, gas, insurance etc.

“Hi Jay, this is Dave from North Side Yamaha checking in. We were doing an internal audit and noticed that you haven’t responded to any customer service emails in 13 years. We want to make sure you are still fully satisfied with your purchase. Call me back.”

Yes, but this sounds like Lue’s-lose scenario.

My sediments exactly.

I mean, at least it's a gneiss picture.

Ben Carson had me wondering if brain surgery was actually all that hard.

Only an asshole would complain about shortcuts and say U instead of YOU.

Straight Up.

“my wife left me”

A 6-8 man made of mostly muscle does not need an enforcer. This isn’t the 70's and the Cavs aren’t going to trade for Kermit Washington to get your back.

I went to a Hooters knock-off (why would you try and copy that?) in Cape Girardeau, Missouri once. They were having a karaoke night. Not wanting to be rude, I did Mother by Danzig. The crowd oddly got really into it, and it resulted in a little person getting into a fight with a one-armed man. The little person waited…

How was the service when you were hit by a car? Were you seated quickly?

Amen. I’m pretty convinced that if you took the ‘93 Suns and time-warped them right now to this “easier” NBA, the Warriors would sweep them by an average margin of about 18 points per game.

Damn, this is an egregious error. Really made me Grimace.

Holy cannoli!