Oh, you can search far and wide

This whole franchise suffers from the problem where the more you dive into it the more the premise unravels. 

…yes?

I’ve always loved how in the book, Van Helsing was this short, old, frumpy looking weirdo that no one took seriously, and over the years he’s now morphed into action star and heartthrob Hugh Jackman.

Let no one say that I’m a mindless Elon hater. I can give credit where credit’s due.

One look at that mug and ain’t nobody procreating. 

It will also play chess!

Pfft! Jokes on them. I don’t have any friends, loved ones, or coworkers!

Wouldn’t that be outside in?

How bad is your game when you can be the richest person on the planet and still have to beg for sex?

What? They’ve run out of Japanese tokusatsu to dub?

I’m sure he’ll be flattered….

In the midnight hour, he cried, “More, more, more!”

My guess is he’ll be the crusty, bitter old dean who’s always looking for any excuse to expel those rowdy member of Nova Squad!

Micro-soft what Ninten-don’t!

I mean, I wouldn’t exactly call the wake of the most bloody war in the history of the quadrant the “halcyon days” but whatever….

So what if it did?

There’s no aliens. No Zargon warships. No green skinned bombshells with beehive hairdos that say, “Show me more of this Earth thing called kissing!”