Wait until September when you read his “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” essay.

“Getting ready for my big foreign trip.” Seriously, “big”? Come on, “foreign”? JFC, is there anything that comes out of this guy’s mouth that doesn’t sound like the utterance of a fourth-grader?

“I can only speak for myself.” “There’s no collusion between—certainly—myself and my campaign but I can only speak for myself...and the Russians...zero,” Trump said in a tone that was both very reassuring and very convincing. “Believe me,” he added, “there’s no collusion. Russia is fine.”

I can’t believe I’m looking forward to the next time Trump gets free reign of his phone. I’m totally sucked into this trash pile reality show and I hate myself.

spent a ridiculous sum of money on anti-aging products because the passage of time is irrelevant

I didn’t even know Maria was in it, that’s how fast I bailed on Season 4. I have some hope for this one, because, unlike for Season 4, all of the actors are scheduled to be present for filming together, as opposed to doing all of their segments separately and desperately trying to stitch them together.

Him inviting Erdogan to the White House is 18 different kinds of insulting. It makes perfect sense in a horrible way: Erdogan took a perfectly reasonable proto-democracy and turned it into a vicious dictatorship. Trump wants to emulate him, and is beginning to succeed. They are birds of a feather, or even twinsies!

Of course! I feel like with Trump you don’t need to come up with any Machiavellian reasons for anything. Dude is just desperate to appear like he belongs so he’ll just spout out whatever bullet points he skimmed earlier in order to impress whoever he’s talking too.

Whoa, okaaaay. Listen, obviously we know what he meant (because CONTEXT!!!), but that may not always be the case. When there’s a handy, elegant way to disambiguate language and make meaning explicit, why not employ that device? Clearly you aren’t going to agree, but that’s how I see it.

Everything he does makes perfect sense when viewed through the lens that he literally thinks he is the only person in the world. Everything revolves around making sure other people know how much power he has, how much money he (allegedly) has, how many ‘hot’ young wives he can have and are appropriately awed by him.

“...it seems that this act was directed towards his ex-girlfriend, towards whom he had a violent history of domestic abuse.”

He must have really loved her.

I mean if he hit her and choked her and set himself on fire in front of her.

We can only hope she has realised her mistake in breaking up with him.

I can’t stand their sound. I find this type of a capella so embarrassing. Like spoken word poetry but even more insufferable.

You lasted longer than I did. I will only accept Hallelujah being sung by either Lou Reed or Jeff Buckley the way the God intended for it to be!

The self satisfied smugness is strong with these folks.

I strongly suspect that the clearly potentially impeachable things in this are lies, because of just that.

It’s truly sick the way he can’t leave Rosie O’Donnell alone. I don’t even care for her particularly, but he makes it a point to go after her on a regular basis. It’s what an abuser does to ensure their victim never feels completely safe, it’s horrifying.

“Yesterday, on the same day even...” He talks like Snagglepuss. Given his history of sexual assault is a good description of him.