I had an employer who once made me sign an NDA that included a “non-disparagement clause” (which is pretty lucky for them, because I have so, so many disparaging things I am now contractually prohibited from sharing with the world)

Welp, I had almost stifled the gag reflex but it's back now.

Not to mention, it used to take MANY minutes to pose for a non-blurry photo. Talk about a carefully-crafted image!

Thank you! Luckily I don’t plan on putting anything else on that part of my arm (because then I’d definitely have caused a problem for myself)

I have mine facing me. I think you’re right that it’s not as common in general, but maybe more common with something like a mantra, since she probably wants to read it herself?

No, the kind who’s a domestic abuser with apparent rage and control issues

Cocksplat just sent tea out of my nose. So evocative - totally spot on

I am a 28-year old woman and I STILL checked with mom before inviting my dude to a family event (but then again, I had a friend whose parents paid for her boyfriend to go to Mexico with them when we were 17 so I guess it's a toss up?)

Does Trump look like the kind of person who would respond well to whispered advice? Or any advice at all? I understand what you’re saying, and it’s an interesting point, but I truly do not think it applies here – Hope Hicks is taking Twitter dictation (but not actually tweeting), which doesn’t scream behind-the-scenes…

I always think of the woman whose toddler grabbed the gun from her purse and accidentally killed her in the supermarket. Those poor children.

Bodies are weird, though. So much depends on how/where weight is distributed and what kind of frame it’s on (maybe she has narrower hips than you do? Who knows!). and if she’s not a size 6 but wants to say she is because Hollywood is vain, is that really such a big deal?

Cars and alcohol weren’t invented for the sole purpose of turning living things into dead things.

only another old white man can save us from old white men!

You think those came from Hillary? They didn’t even spell raucous right

This is my 2016 mantra

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Same! I'm even holding back on salty Bernie-or-Busters today in the interest of being a gracious winner. I am so glad to be alive in 2016!

A mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a vest

Chalk it up to my curious nature

Mostly because I was as confused as most other commenters appear to be when I first read this piece (but now I’m just confused about why you’re so angry? Is it my upward inflection? Does it upset you????)

Are you operating under the assumption that this was an earnest op-ed about woke toddlers?