Assume nothing. Except hookers. Always assume hookers.

Which should mean we’ll soon be seeing him go Full Swaggart: a) the tearful confession of sin b) the begging for forgiveness and c) the NC GOP giving him their full support.

“Harris maintained that Dowless never told him about what Red Dome Group actually did and ... he decided to hire him.”

As Joe Ricketts nods and reaches for his checkbook.

“I’m about to teach her and her cronies a few things they are going to wish they never learned...”

With a typo.

“Scurry back to work”? Is Tucker now in favor of longer maternal/paternal leave?

On the bright side, her CPAC keynote has sold out.

Have you tried kewpie mayo? It’s Japanese. Highly recommend, but yeah, not a whole jar straight.

It’s not at all disgusting on video! https://recordsetter.com/world-record/jars-mayonnaise-eaten-sitting/36046

“The Mayonnaise World Record. Ukrainian Oleg Zhornitskiy gorged down, consecutively, four 32-ounce bowls of straight mayonnaise in 12 minutes for this world record.

He’s one of my two Senators and a full-time embarrassment.

Someone wake Maureen Dowd so she can smugly nod, then write the same column she’s been writing for decades.

Chaser: https://theathletic.com/801514/2019/02/05/arsenals-latest-financial-results-show-how-desperately-they-need-champions-league-return/

Here’s a feel-good story for any Arsenal supporter: the new Rams stadium is going to cost $5 billion and Stan Kroenke is putting $1.6 billion of his own money. https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/the-rams-5-billion-stadium-is-bigger-than-disneyland-it-might-be-perfect-for-la/2019/01/26/7c393898-20c3-11e9-8e21-59a09ff…

“Dentures” don’t do those things justice. He looks like he just won the Preakness.

And the classic “Headless Body In Topless Bar”.

Luckily, the Post was ready:

Oui.

In a feel-good update to this story, Nantes is currently billing Cardiff for the first installment of the transfer fee.