OK, but, like... Why couldn’t those people empty their own rat traps? I know, on principal it’s the exterminators’ job, and what they’ve been paid for, but if you knowingly leave dead things rotting in your attic before you go on a 2 week vacation then you are just as much to blame for the ensuing maggot infestation…

All I can see is vagina. Not even particularly abstract vagina, just a big ol’ blatant image of a vagina on this skirt, roughly at genital level.

Well, According to my husband neither of us proposed, but according to me I proposed. We were watching TV and I turned to him and said “ So... We could probably afford to get married next year or the year after... Can I start planning that?” And he said “OK.” And that was pretty much it.

1. A teen couple totally used to bone just on the opposite side of the chainlink fence of my elementary school playground in broad daylight. Kids would wander up to the fence all like “whatcha doin’?” And get told to fuck off. One of the teens was my older cousin.

You sort of need that biology credit to work in animal conservation as well.

I made a hamburger for Jerry Springer. He was filming a movie in a city an hour and a half from my hometown, which i didn't know until I got home that night. I thought it was just a guy that looked like what Jerry Springer would look like on hiatus. He takes mustard and relish, FYI.

I used to ask to work holidays because Tims pays time and a half, I was allowed to hand out seasonal candy through the drive through window, and I made pretty good tips.

When we were teenagers my brother once gave me a gift wrapped tin of corned beef, and our little sister a rat trap, except that the rat trap had "to (my offensive nickname)" written on the bottom, so he'd obviously originally intended to gift me both, and must have felt guilty about leaving her out.

Mincemeat doesn't just have animal fat, it has actual, you know... minced up meat. My in laws do beef or moose, and it's lovely in small doses, and mostly just tastes like raisins and very strong christmas spices.

Could be worse. I know of a Madylin. When I read it I always mispronounce it in my head... Maddy-Lynn... Muh-Dylan? At least Madelyn is arguably phonetically spelled.

Catsup isn't wrong, per se, it's the appropriate term for ketchup-like products that do not follow the appropriate recipe to legally be sold as ketchup. Like the word "creme" being used to describe non-dairy cream-like products. Ketsup isn't anything though....

Yup, my girl's insistence on wearing pink and sparkles daily in no way stopped her interest in space, dinosaurs, nature, etc. but there were no cool options for her during that period. Conversely nobody makes "boys" clothes with phrases that liken them to their moms ie: "Strong like Mom" does not exist and "Awesome…

Hippo poop-blast videos are how my brother bonds with my 4 year old daughter. He has a picture she drew for him of a hippo pooping displayed proudly on his fridge.

Mint Aero is better than regular. It is technically not as good as the now obsolete Royale bars BUT they are shaped like a stack of butt cheeks, which is a feature the regular Aero is lacking.

You need to parlay this food ranking/review gig into people sending you Canadian/British candy to sample. Coffee Crisp would likely rank high for you, as it's got wafers like a KitKat but sandwiched around a coffee flavoured confection that is a similar texture to chocolate.

I got one once that said "You like Chinese food." It was apt.

Well, there you go. I usually hear of American mothers needing to go back to work after 3 months, which is unfortunate enough, without the consideration that some of that time is unpaid. I'm Canadian, so I'm likely always going to have misconceptions that make American standards seem way rosier than they are in…

Well, they do have mat leave, it's just that American employers arent legally required to pay you during that time. There are American employers who include maternity leave pay as part of their employee benefits, usually for around 3 months, but my understanding is that these are usually companies who have a vested…

There... there is something wrong with me I think... evidently I'm only attracted to a Jaime Lannister who looks like he just got done rolling around in horse manure...

I'm not exactly sure why this is worth a fight to you, but not worth citing your claims. Why has this made you so angry that you're grasping for weak insults? Are you alright? Is there something going on in your life you need to talk about?