Nothing is worse than having to explain as well- and thoroughly-argued a piece as this to some dingus who's pretending not to get it, but: Brazil lost because they made soccer mistakes they wouldn't ordinarily make, because the guys they've trained for countless hours to depend upon weren't there to be depended upon,…

Exactly. It's a marketing ploy to sell more shit. Soap is soap.

Bonds was incredible, roids or not. Never seen a guy with an eye like that. Pitch could be 0.1 inches from the zone, and he wouldn't touch it. And you are right, there'd be games where he'd get what seemed like only one or two strikes, and he'd crush that pitch pretty damn often.

Ugh, this child. I taught in an all girls high school for two years and they LOVED this moron when I got there. I would make a joke when they'd show me a vine because teenagers hate to be told their taste is terrible, so I thought I'd lead by example. I'm so happy to say when I left that school there wasn't one girl…

"I've never really understood the word 'party.' It's just two syllables, but it's awfully confusing. 'Par' seems to promise a perfectly average round of golf, while 'tea' at least indicates there'll be something to drink at the affair. Not that I should really be drinking tea at my age, you understand. Not very…

What is it with birthday parties, anyway? The hats don't fit, the balloons deflate, and all the treats are just loaded with high fructose corn syrup.

There's gotta be a better term for this than "footage".

Just as I suspected, Neymar's pulling off a really long con on a flop.

The US squad did not have nearly enough talent to advance beyond the group stage. We almost stole Belgium the way we stole the Ghana game. But we were outclassed in 3 out of the 4 games we played. Don't blame his tactics. He's just being candid. I appreciate it. The future looks bright

Kobe, tell me how my abs taste.

Why you gotta be all racialist?

You don't seem to understand goalkeeping. What is an "especially good" save? A high-flying, acrobatic dive? Those are great, no argument there. But more often than not, a shot is either able to be saved or it's not.

You've put up better in your mens rec league, no doubt.

Bringing on Lukaku with fresh legs in extra time just isn't fair plain and simple.

My eyebrows have been seared off by this piping hot take.

Strong Taek

You wanna know the real tragedy about ESPN having these videos pulled? I actually like Chris Berman MORE because of them.

Everytime ESPN pulls a video from YouTube, an angel gets his wings.

ESPN would also like viewers to know that Berman no longer picks up women in sports bars with phrases like "you're with me, leather." His body of work in the sports bar arena should not be judged by one successful pick-up years ago. He has a wide variety of pick-up lines now.