The "poachee" clearly holds the most blame in this situation, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think the "poacher" was a jerk for trying in the first place.

I dunno, I was in a similar position as the OP with my last boyfriend. I knew what it looked like when people just wanted to talk to him, and I knew what it looked like when women were hitting on him. The body language is totally different.

This is something that we SHOULD be judgmental of though! A person who knowingly dates a married person whose spouse is completely unaware is selfish and deserves to be called out on it.

You can tell her you think she's playing with fire and that you do not support what she's doing without saying "you are horrible and immoral!!!" I don't know why you're trying to advise her. She knows she has her head up her ass. She's dating someone married. She has no right to expect ANYTHING.

My mom had lunch (when she was 7 months pregnant, high risk pregnancy too) with the woman my dad was cheating on her with. She asked her to please leave the situation and let her and my dad finish the pregnancy. My mom told her, if they split up after that, whatever. What's done is done.

That is my philosophy as well. You go after a clearly married person? Usually means you are flawed across the board. Full. Stop.

See, she knows all that though. She's in her 30s. A judgmental friend isn't going to help her rewrite her moral code. A nonjudgmental friend, however, could (and eventually did) help her see that it was the wrong situation for her to be in.

I would advise my friend that if she thought this was going to end without her and likely two other people getting seriously hurt (emotionally, not like in an inciting violence way) that's she's being seriously naive.

I give her a total pass on Burton, but not for Eddie Fisher cause she was friends with Debbie Reynolds, man. Dick move.

If you're worried because you think he's bad for her, well, yeah, she's dating a married guy. That's kind of her fucking cross to shoulder if those are the choices she's going to make.

I still kind of feel like it was wrong for you friend to be with the guy. Do his wife's feelings not matter at all in this whole situation?

>>Are you sure they're hitting on him, and not just relieved to be able to talk to a man who probably won't hit on them?<<

I dunno about OP, but in my experience a lot of people can't tell the damn difference between flirting and someone just being nice. I've had girls friends say "OMG he was so checking me out and flirting!" and I'm thinking, "No...he just being polite." I've also seen girl friends get jealous because some girl is…

You're basically absolving your friend of any blame for being a shitty person.

One of my best girlfriends (not me, I SWEAR, this isn't a sitcom where I talk about a "friend" but I'm really referring to myself) recently finally ended a 2-year relationship with a married guy. She wasn't the one married to him.

Damn that Jolene.

If I ever need to buy a birthday present for this guy, I'm just going to get him a

GAWD, Mom!! You don't know my life!!!

Shade Court is the single greatest regular feature of Jez: the Next Generation.

DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS. DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS. DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS.