I see a stream of urine cascading into someone's "special pasta" pot.

I am embarrassed by how hard I laughed at that.

Dear Grand Viziers of Kinja:

Hold your head high! I would much rather hear your funky-Jamiroquai-hat-dude-plus-storage-unit-seduction story any day. Now that's interesting!

That is nothing to be ashamed of!

Please do not feel bad. I have heard many more "the way I lost my virginity was a horrorshow" stories than "the way I lost my virginity was the best EVAH!"

You should send the winner a Jezebel t-shirt, or at least a mug. Because she has:

We were all young once, hon. No shame in your game.

You win all the stars today, good sir/madam.

I have two equally visceral responses to this furniture.

I know nothing about football, I had no idea who Stuart Scott was, and this made me cry.

+ 100 stars

That made my week. Thank you!

Well, New Year's Eve ended nearly two hours ago, and I got the sweetest surprise! After watching the ball drop on TV (because we live states away) with my husband and younger son, we toasted with sparkling cider. After my husband went to sleep, my 13-year-old brought down his five favorite books from his toddler years…

This is what upset me the most about that hideous episode (and Lord knows the competition was stiff for "most offensive moment"): when the woman didn't want her breasts displayed on national TV, the CEO called her in for a special meeting to fire her on national TV. That was the pettiest, nastiest way in the world to…

We do, my cellar-dweller brother. The hermit-crab tank at the pet store is funnier than Dane Cook. I know he's a self-made man and all, (aside from ripping off better comedians' material,) so I do respect his hard work.

You are an amazing daughter with an obviously equally amazing mom.

Preach, sister.

Thanks, Rebecca; I needed that. I have been nursing a broken heart after weeks of volunteering at a "get-out-the-vote" phone bank for Kay Hagan in North Carolina. I experienced quite a bit of life's rich pageant, and a numbing amount of voters (mostly the least educated) who told me it was "too much of a pain to…

Oh, JT, why did I not follow your example and just assume this "Roosh" person is best avoided?